Post 100.1

I have severe brain strain going on. So much so that I think the internal workings of my bonce now resemble what appeared on my plate at the local greasy spoons cafe last week. It wasn't pretty. Or particularly edible.

This is my 100th post (on this blog) and for some reason I've felt that I should be writing something rather splendid in order to celebrate this milestone. I didn't want to go the route of Here's a summary of the last 99 posts. I wanted to do something the stood out from the rest, maybe a unique story or something that people might read and say "Wow, that's really well written". A post with purpose. I think insightful is a good adjective.

Everything I saw, spoke about, heard or read was given the analytical treatment. Nothing quite seemed to match up to what I thought would achieve any of my desires. Everything appeared inadequate. Or more boring than watching paint dry. And I've done more than my fair share of that. Trust me, interesting it ain't.

Which got me thinking (whilst watching yet another coat of paint dry) why do we put so much emphasis onto things like this? Why does the fact that I've written 100 posts even need to be mentioned? I don't think there's anything special in this one. I happen to think post 96 was much better.

So, theories on a postcard please. And if you read here on a regular basis, please feel to leave 100th post comments. Especially those that haven't commented before!

Death By Stereo

Over the past couple of years, everything that's cool with the kids has been retro. If it's steeped in 80's karma then it's no longer plastic and crap but alive with sort of cola bottle fizz that used to turn your face inside out.

If big hair, glam rock, and vampires are your thing then you only need to look back as far as 1987 to find one of the greatest flicks the world has ever known. Before Joel Schumacher killed the Batman franchise stone dead with Batman Forever and Batman & Robin he directed The Lost Boys and gave the world what it needed. A dirty, sexy vampire teen movie laced with laughs and more cheese than a 18 inch Pizza Hut stuffed crust.

The Lost Boys effectively launched Kiefer Sutherland into, well, some sort of popularity, proved that Corey Feldman really couldn't act and primed Alex Winter for his staring role as Bill S. Preston in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. But none of this matters because it all works. Throw in a soundtrack that any 80's film would've been happy to have and you've got a masterpiece that will last longer than any of the vampires in Santa Carla. If you ever hear Cry Little Sister, you automatically know it's from this film. And how can a film that contains songs written by Elton John, Michael Hutchence and The Doors, performed by INXS, Roger Daltry and Echo & The Bunnymen be anything other than utterly bighaired-tastic?

Ignoring the naff Gothic emo images, here's Cry Little Sister for your listening pleasure...

I'd also recommend giving People Are Strange a listen to. The Doors version is, obviously, quite brilliant although the Echo & The Bunnymen one won't turn you into the undead either.

If you haven't seen this film, I suggest you get onto Amazon and buy yourself a copy. The 80's are back people. Watch this movie and fill your heads with high collars, leather jackets, Nike trainers with Velcro and enough hairspray to stick a greased glam rocker to an MTV set.

"So what's the rush? You're chasing that girl aren't you? Come on, admit it. I'm at the mercy of your sex glands bud."

The Jam Live 1981

I've been wearing this song out for the last week. Not bad considering it's an mp3 file. This is one of my favorite Jam songs and I would've loved to have seen them perform it live. Instead, I'll just have to make do with a YouTube video instead. Please feel free to leave a comment...especially those that lurk! Go on, you know you want to say something...

Lyrics for The Jam & Pretty Green:

I've got a pocket full of pretty green -
I'm gonna put it in the fruit machine -
I'm gonna put it in the juke box -
It's gonna play all the records in the hit parade -

I've got a pocket full of pretty green -
I'm gonna give it to the man behind the counter -
He's gonna give me food and water -
I'm gonna eat that and look for more -

This is the pretty green - this is society -
You can't do nothing - unless it's
in the pocket - oh no -

I've got a pocket full of pretty green -
I'm gonna put it in the fruit machine -
I'm gonna put it in the juke box -
It's gonna play all the records in the hit parade -

This is the pretty green - this is society -
You can't do nothing - unless it's
in the pocket - oh no -

And they didn't teach me that in school -
It's something that I learnt on my own -
That power is measured by the pound or the fist -
It's as clear as this oh -

I've got a pocket full of pretty green -
I'm gonna put it in the fruit machine -
I'm gonna put it in the juke box -
It's gonna play all the records in the hit parade -

I've got a pocket full of pretty green -
I'm gonna give it to the man behind the counter -
He's gonna give me food and water -
I'm gonna eat that and look for more -

This is the pretty green - this is society -
You can't do nothing - unless it's
in the pocket - oh no -

I've got a pocket full of Pretty Green!

Bloody Bloody Bloody Bloody Bleedin Bloody

This was pointed out to me by The Viking. The Apprentice is not a show that I've ever really watched, I'm not into the whole reality TV crap that's infested our culture over the last few years (although I will watch anything with Gordon Ramsey in, gotta luv him really). This edit was done by Cassetteboy on Youtube, check his channel out as he's done quite a few other bits, and is most amusing. For those of you that aren't in this country and haven't seen Alan Sugar before, he's a twat. I think that just about covers it.

The World Has Gone Bonkers

This article appeared on the Yahoo! homepage the other day. It basically says that kids have been banned from wearing swimming goggles on safety grounds stating "They believe serious injury could occur if a pair of goggles snapped onto a child's face too hard or if a lens popped out unexpectedly.". It then goes on to say that "...the school followed advice from the British Association of Advisers and Lecturers in Physical Education (BAALPE), handed out to all Flintshire schools.

BAALPE advice states: "Head teachers should inform parents/carers that goggles can be a hazard and cause permanent eye injury.

"Wet plastic is very slippery and frequent, incorrect or unnecessary adjustment or removal of them, by pulling them away from the eyes instead of sliding them over the forehead, can lead to them slipping from the pupil's grasp with the hard plastic causing severe injury."".

Now does anything about this strike you as odd? Or, if I may be so bold as to say, utterly fucking ridiculous? The mere fact that there are people out there that get paid to investigate this stuff is beyond my comprehension. Also, in all my years of living on this giant ball we call Earth, I've never ever ever heard of any child anywhere succumb to the unholiest of death traps we call goggles. I've not heard of a "lens accidentally popping out" but can you imagine the utter devastation it would cause? Those of a weak heart disposition may not want to dwell on it. Seriously. And why hasn't someone told the goggle manufacturers that they are producing products capable of maiming children? They should be made to place warnings on the packaging. Use in water may cause eye gouging, blindness and even decapitation. Then have a picture of a headless child next to it, just like smokers now have pictures of lungs and hearts on tobacco. We have to get the message through!

Now I think about it, shouldn't tins be banned? They are made of metal. And they've got fairly sharp edges. If accidentally dropped because of excessive handling they can cause extensive foot damage. Both to flesh and to bone. Untreated, injuries like that can lead to amputation. Not to mention the fact that if you have too many in your shopping bag, you may strain any number of muscles when lifting it.

Food should also be banned. Excessive consumption, accidental or not, can and will lead to obesity giving rise to heart problems, back strains, diabetes and in severe cases of over eating people will explode. Normally into millions of pieces, some of them quite sharp. Which is why you should never stand near a severely large person whist they're eating. Bloater shrapnel can be fatal.

Flowers also have to go. Whilst they may be pretty and inviting, especially to smell, an unexpected bee within the flower could cause rapid and painful swelling to the end of your nose. The stem could also house several other creatures, normally of the insect variety. Unchecked, these creatures could easily infest your home, resulting in the foundations crumbling due ferocious tunneling by the insects. Probably ants. Although it does depend on the type of flower you were handling earlier. Goats have been known to inhabit some rare species of orchid. Trust me when I say you do not want an infestation of goats. That can get m-aaaanic.

Know Your Band

I don't often do those meme things, but I saw this somewhere (I can't remember where, but if you've done it then it may have been your blog I was looking at, in which case "cheers").

Get yourself onto Wikipedia and you'll see the Random Article link in the box on the left sidebar. Hit it once and the headline to the random article is your band name. Hit it again to get the name of your first album. The next 10 articles are the individual track names of your debut offering. Here are my results...

Band Name: 13 Shocking Secrets You'll Wish You Never Knew About Lemony Snicket (Holy crap, bit of a mouthful. Shortly abbreviated to Snicket's 13 Secrets, sounds much better!)

Album Name: 1997 In Radio (Cool...a late 90's revival band!)

Track Listing:

1. Kickstand
2. Paulo Alves
3. 1998 Grand Prix Motorcycling Racing Season (The chances of 2 dates in the late 90's appearing randomly? Remarkable)
4. Vietnamese Name
5. The Wonder Of Women
6. Eric Fletcher Waters (No way, this dude was Roger Waters father! Doubly remarkable)
7. Theatre Row Hollywood
8. History Of The Cossacks
9. 23 (album)
10. Hits 58
11. Szale (Secret Track)

An album full of bravado and hypocrisy, laced with sarcasm and aiming 2 fingers solidly at the establishment. 1997 In Radio, available from Vespa Entertainment tomorrow. Click Here to pre-order your copy now!


If you want to have a crack at this, please do. Either leave your answers in the comments section, or shout back this way if you do it on your own. I'd be interested to see what you come up with. I also think this is a pretty cool way of introducing yourself if you're one of those lurkers out there...don't be shy!

X Marks The Cherry

I'm not going to get into the whole political debate that is currently rampaging its way through our country. I'm fairly sure that everyone has heard about it, it is fairly big news and I'm trying pretty hard to resist the urge to whinge and moan. However, today is the day we stick our X down on a lovely piece of paper indicating our choice for the European elections.

I'm also not going to say who I've voted for. Although it wasn't Labour and it certainly wasn't the BNP (British National Party...racist bunch of cunts that they are). The point is, I voted. Unlike hundreds of thousands of other people. And this is what makes me really want to have a bitch. A Democracy only works if the people of the land get off their fat asses and go and vote. I also believe 100% that if you do not vote then you have absolutely no right whatsoever to have an opinion on how your country is run. Booths are open from VERY early until fairly late in the evening, not having time just isn't a viable reason. I was in and out within 3 minutes. Most of that time was spent waiting for the woman to fold up a piece of paper to hand to me, and patting the cutest puppy I've seen in a while. Putting the X down took less time than it does to claim for having your moat cleaned and was less painful than getting your tax paying constituents to cough up for it.

C'mon people, get out there and take part in how your country is run. Stick your mark down!

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Song Of The Week (albeit a bit late) is Wild Blue Yonder by Paul Weller. I first heard this at Koko in Camden and absolutely loved it. Below are the lyrics and to the right is the video. Enjoy.

Lets go sailing in the wild blue yonder,
lets go sailing in the wild blue yonder,
lets go sailing in the wild blue yonder,
backing it up, leaving it all behind.

Lets go loving like we know we all are,
lets go loving like we know we all are,
lets go loving like we know we all are,
backing it up, leaving it all behind.

While we're thinking 'bout thinking it over,
while we're thinking 'bout thinking it over,
while we're thinking 'bout thinking it over,
the world has turned, another day has gone.

I wonder who I am,
and what you really think about me.
I wonder who you are,
and what I really feel to you.

Lets go loving in the wild green clover,
lets go loving in the wild green clover,
lets go loving in the wild green clover,
the world has turned, another day has passed.

Lets go sailing in the wild blue yonder,
lets go sailing in the wild blue yonder,
lets go sailing in the wild blue yonder.

Lets go sailing,
lets go sailing,
lets go sailing in the wild blue yonder.
Lets go sailing in the wild blue yonder.
Lets go sailing