All Mod Cons

Hear The Children Crying

2011-12-06T23:27:00.001Z

I have no words as to how much this video disgusts me.

I love my country, it's just some of the people that are in it leave me genuinely concerned for the future.

Please feel free to wash yourselves in some Marley afterwards.

One love, One heart
Let's get together and feel all right
Hear the children crying (One Love)
Hear the children crying (One Heart)
Sayin' give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right
Sayin' let's get together and feel all right

Let them all pass all their dirty remarks (One Love)
There is one question I'd really love to ask (One Heart)
Is there a place for the hopeless sinner
Who has hurt all mankind just to save his own?
Believe me

One Love, One Heart
Let's get together and feel all right
As it was in the beginning (One Love)
So shall it be in the end (One Heart)
Give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right
One more thing

Let's get together to fight this Holy Armageddon (One Love)
So when the Man comes there will be no no doom (One Song)
Have pity on those whose chances grove thinner
There ain't no hiding place from the Father of Creation

Sayin' One Love, One Heart
Let's get together and feel all right
I'm pleading to mankind (One Love)
Oh Lord (One Heart)

Give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right
Let's get together and feel all right

Snap 2

2011-02-02T01:24:00.002Z

While there are many better quality photos out there from the Royal Albert Hall evenings last year, there's nothing quite like a shot that you take yourself. Like the last post, both pictures were taken with my handy mobile phone.

Paul Weller

Bruce Foxton & Paul Weller

Snap

2011-02-01T21:00:00.003Z

Steve Cradock @ The Royal Albert Hall playing with Paul Weller in 2010. Took this with my phone and think it's a pretty good shot. Pretty good guitarist too!

(Click the image to see it BIGGERER)

This photo is the property of All Mod Cons, should you wish to use it please do. But do a bloke a favour and ask me before hand!

Update....

2010-07-11T09:58:00.002+01:00

First post in God knows how long and it's going to be one that says "I'm moving".

Yes, I've had my time in this skin. It's served its purpose. And now I'm ready to return to my original home. Over 3 years after shutting it down I am finally ready to return to Teabags And Ashtrays.

Explanations will probably be forthcoming but I'll leave them for later. Right now it's all about getting things ready. Design changes, removing all but the final post from Teabags, sussing out what I want the content to be and all those other bits.

And on the subject of design, if anyone out there knows how to make 3D type banners and is willing to give me a hand, I've got an idea that needs implementing and would be grateful for any assistance.

But for now, I bid you farewell. I'll be keeping this site live for a while as I may return every now and again to post up some appropriate stuff. Maybe this can be my holiday home...

A Lazy Arsed Photo Post

2010-05-08T13:22:00.010+01:00

In completely reverse order because I just can't seem to get the hang of uploading loads of photos.

Thorpe Park...

Woosh.

Would you trust this Irishman with a gun?

Probably the slowest ride, but made my head want to explode on every loop. Only did this once.

The Saw ride. Absolute quality.

Must. Go. Faster.

Then there was Stealth. 0-80mph in not much time at all. Beyond awesome. Did this twice but would've happily stayed on it all day.

I'd like to thank the children in front for really making this photo. Your parents must be so proud.

And then there was the Women's Handball. With England vs Iceland. Unfortunately we got our butts kicked...

Spot the ball...

There was also some gurning...

And some running...

And some penalties...

And the view wasn't bad...

And finally...there's the final. Of the JP Trophy, featuring my team! Southampton vs Carlisle at the mighty Wembley Stadium. I was halfway through writing a proper post for this but I just felt I was waffling on. But it included running, money, really dodgy looking blokes, a lovely ticket sales woman, and a even better cup of tea.

From the outside, Wembley Stadium looks just like a giant shopping centre. Serious failure from the designers I'm afraid.

But from the inside, it's an amazing place to be. Especially with over 44,000 Saints fans to keep you company.

We ran out 4-1 winners. Which is always nice. The Saints fans started the customary Mexican Wave when a team is romping home to victory. As it rippled through the crowd we all cheered, right up until it reached the meagre amount of Carlisle fans. Who decided not to take part. Nobody likes a sore loser. So we all booed when the wave reached them. That'll learn 'em!

Hooray!

Hung?

2010-05-04T21:39:00.005+01:00

In 2 days time we've got our elections. Those of you outside the UK may have heard about this recently when our PM called some old dear a bigot off camera. Only the mic was still on. Que media meltdown.

I will, as usual, be making the journey to a polling station and leaving my mark somewhere on the little piece of paper. I'm quite firm in my belief that everyone should make the effort. Even if you void the ballot because you don't agree with any of them. All this "I'm exercising my right not to vote" is arse monkeys. It's better to turn up and write on it You're all thieving tossers than to say nothing at all. At least you've then made the effort to voice your opinion.

But I have absolutely no idea who I'm going to go with. I think we need a massive shake up and I don't think that any of the parties are capable. The recent scandal involving MP's expenses proved what we'd all suspected, that they were self centered morons with no interest in the public. Are these the sort of people I want running my country? I think not. They were ripping off those of us that put them into power, the very people that they're supposed to be helping. They used the excuse that "..the system was broken". I miss the point where this gives you the right to fuck me over?

None of the interviews or debates I've seen from any of the leaders has filled me with any confidence at all that they could fight their way out of a souffle. Let alone run a country. They all seem more interested in slagging each other off than offering up a sensible and feasible solution to a busted up economy. Or reducing crime. Or reviving any sort of industry. Or reducing unemployment. Or addressing immigration. I'm genuinely worried about what will happen.

And not one of them has promised to do anything about the weather.

For your listening pleasure...Paul Weller with Wake Up The Nation (and if you haven't got the album of the same title, shame on you. Get to the Great God Amazon immediately).

Kasabian - Where Did All The Love Go?

2010-04-22T20:04:00.003+01:00

Aces.

Yeah Yeah Yeah

2010-03-30T19:16:00.001+01:00

I'm not dead. Or lost. I'm just busy. But I promise there will be posts, mostly concerning...

Enthusiastic laps of international football stadiums with a damaged knee
How I was emailed by a bonafide sex offender. No, really. I promise I'm not lying
My issues with the entire being known as The General Public
How I watched women throw balls at each other
And why I think my local MP is a bit of a twat

I would also like to point out that I'm still reading via Reader but rarely comment due to Amazon.

Click Buttons

2010-03-12T18:34:00.003Z

Through several random clicks of playing Catch Up on Google Reader, I came across a new fantastic read. Cynical Scribble comes highly recommended. By me.

Also, I've just taken receipt of the new Gorillaz album, Plastic Beach. On my first listen through, I'm liking it a load of Thumbs Up. So that also comes highly recommended. Again, by me.

Football Talk. Kind Of.

2010-03-09T19:56:00.003Z

Just tuned in to Radio 5 Live to listen to Arsenal vs Porto in the Champions League. The moment the sounds passes through my speakers I'm greeted by Graham Taylor's voice saying...

"...Wenger is standing next to these young boys, waiting for them to come"

Priceless.

But I'm Different Now - The Jam

2010-02-23T21:34:00.002Z

Oh yes, I think so.

Having an accidental Jam evening. So many great songs. Being able to put a playlist on of just 1 artist and not hearing the same tune come up more than once for a long time is, in my book, a Bonus. That may also be the longest sentence I've ever written on this blog. Anyway, no moving images, just Sound Affects.

And it seems the embedded copy/paste from Youtube to Blogger is working again. Double bonus.

What The Bloody Hell...?!

2010-02-11T20:03:00.003Z

I watched a video on the internet today. It was of a 14 year old girl, dressed like a Manga character, jumping around in her bedroom to some sort of Japanese pop music, wittering on about some gumph I wasn't really listening to. I managed to get to about a minute into the "dance routine" before I turned it off.

Now I'm not going to be rude about this kid, because I think that's a little unfair. She's only 14 right? But I'll post her video up on here and you can judge for yourselves as to how you feel about it.

The reason I watched this is because she's become some sort of phenomenon. Her videos have over a million views, mostly from Japan as I understand it. And now she's made the National News in this country. And apparently her debut "album" is expected to top the Japanese charts.

Please feel free to leave your opinions, I'd love to hear them. Before you do, check out the news article HERE and have a bit of a read. Take note of her attire, what the parents do for a living, and above all, remember that she's 14 years old.

I, for one, think this is wrong. On so many levels. Irrespective of the cultural differences between Japan (a country I love and admire) and the Western World.

"Rebecca is thought to be popular because she has big eyes, a small face and slender limbs". Well, that's one way of putting it.

It's About This Long...

2010-02-08T19:52:00.002Z

I really think I'm just making it all up as I go along you know. At the weekend I went to buy some much needed replacement bed linen. My old gear, as with all old gear, was incredibly comfortable but becoming rather transparent. I feared it may go the same way as our dissolvable washing powder packet things (no, I don't know what they're called) and just not be there when I opened the machine door.

The one thing I do know about bed linen is that it can be quite expensive. Like towels. This happens to be all I actually know for sure. Also like towels, I had heard a rumour that it came in different sizes. As far as I'm concerned, towels have 3 sizes. Big, for your body. Medium, that go on the floor so you don't make it wet when getting out of the shower. And small, and they're actually called flannels.

I rocked up to TK Maxx (the cheap place for those of you that haven't heard of it) and went to their so called Home section. Basically it's full of tat. Lamps that look like Heather Mills spare leg, gold coloured plastic candle holders in the shape of exotic women, and those ball lampshades made of paper and circular wire. But I thought the chances of finding just a plain white duvet & pillow case covers had to fairly high, even there.

I had to get past the size issue first. There was Double, Euro Double, UK & Euro King, Queen, Super King, and some blank ones. No simple 3 size stuff here then. Not having the faintest idea how big my duvet actually is, I went about it in the most practical, common sense way I could. In my mind I visualised making my bed....

...so when I put the duvet in and hold it up to shake the cover down, my arms are about this far apart...and from finger tip to finger tip is almost my height, so that makes my duvet about 6 foot ish wide, and because my arms are just above my head, that makes it over 6 foot ish long...

It's at this point I realise I'm standing next to bed linen, holding my arms aloft with my eyes closed, shaking slightly. I look at the woman standing next to me, she's looking back. I manage a small smile and slowly put my arms back down before she thinks I'm worshipping pillow cases or calls security.

So I know I need something just under by just over 6 foot. I start to rummage through the stripey, spotty and pukey patterns on offer before I notice that the measurements on the packets are all in centimetres, or inches. Wonderful. Out comes my phone and I convert the dimensions. I'm beginning to think it may have just been easier to buy a new duvet and just match up the names on the packets. King duvet + King duvet cover. Finally, just shy of feeling like I'm on Acid having been staring at weird patterns, I find a simple white number that's just about the right size. Grabbing it with probably more urgency than I needed to show, given that I've already been branded a religious bedding loon, I make towards the sheets. No fuss here, they're all white. Biggest one available, that'll do. It'll fold under the mattress if it's too large. Next stop the checkout and I'm gone.

And it fits too. Sweet. Pillow cases didn't though. Way too big. I think I'll give it a while before venturing out to get bigger ones of those.

There Will Be An Answer

2010-02-02T20:01:00.003Z

Where do I start eh? Those of you that have been kind enough to keep coming back to check for updates, I thank you. I've needed a time out, not just from Blogging but from...well...everything really. Yours truly had become a tad lost on the journey we call Life and it appears I had forgotten to take my AtoZ with me. And to make matters worse, I just hadn't realised it.

But after some wholesale changes (no, I'm not becoming a woman) and a little self discipline I'm ready to take on the world again. Piece by piece. And that's what it's all about. Tackling things one at a time and not getting bogged down in the treacle of the mundane. No, I've not found religion, or had any really profound thoughts. I think I'm just becoming happy with who I am. A while ago I would've said "This is who I am and if you don't like it, get fucked". Now, it's more like "This is who I am and if you don't like it, then I'm sorry but I can't hang about and worry it or get frustrated by it, I've got stuff to do". Like living.

Get busy living, or get busy dying. A line from one of my most favorite films/books, The Shawshank Redemption. And that's 100% true. No matter what's going on, there's always someone worse off than you are. Cliche? More than likely, but some cliches ring true.

So to end what is an abnormally personal post, expect much more regular updates. Time to get back to what I love, and that's writing. Does it matter if other people read it? Not really. If those that do read what I have to say and like it, then it's a bonus as far as I'm concerned. I'm all about the Happy, the world doesn't have enough of it and that's a shame.

But when all is said and done, life can be Aces. If only you let it. As The Beatles said, Let It Be.

Fetch...

2010-01-16T19:29:00.001Z

Not sure if I should or not, but I did. Laugh that is.

Sick

2010-01-13T20:38:00.002Z

One of the worst things about being male and having a cold is the unexpected sneezes when you're trying to go for a pee.

Eric Bibb - Don't Ever Let Nobody Drag Your Spirit Down

2010-01-02T22:28:00.002Z

Quality.

Lyrics:

You might slip, you might slide
You might stumble and fall by the roadside
But don't ever let nobody drag your spirit down
Remember you're walking up to heaven
Don't let nobody turn you 'round

Walk with the rich, walk with the poor
Learn from everyone, that's what life is for
And don't let nobody drag your spirit down
Remember you're walking up to heaven
Don't let nobody turn you 'round

Some say yes, some say no
Some wait and see which way the wind blows
But don't you ever let nobody drag your spirit down
When we're walking up to heaven
Don't let nobody turn you 'round

Well, I might say things that sound strange to you
And I might preach the gospel, I believe it's true
I won't let nobody drag my spirit down
Yes, I'm walking up to heaven, people
Won't let nobody turn me 'round

You might slip, you might slide
You might stumble and fall by the roadside
But don't ever let nobody drag your spirit down
Remember you're walking up to heaven
Don't let nobody turn you 'round

Retiring For 2009

2009-12-31T15:10:00.006Z

With the impending end of 2009, I give you The Prodigy and World's On Fire.

A Little Bit Me, A Little Bit You - The Monkees

2009-12-28T17:59:00.003Z

Everyone has at least one guilty pleasure right?

Written by Neil Diamond as a follow up to I'm A Believer.

Somewhere along the line Donny Osmond got his teeth all over it. *Shiver*

Lyrics...

Walk out,
Girl don't you walk out
We've got things to say
Talked out, let's have it talked out
Things will be okay

Girl
I don't want to fight
That I'm a little bit wrong
And you're a little bit right
I said girl
You know that it's true
It's a little bit me, (a little bit me)
And it's a little bit you... too

Don't know... just what I said wrong
But girl I apologize
Don't go... here's where you belong
So wipe the tears from your eyes

Girl
I don't want to find
That I'm a little bit wrong
And you're a little bit right
I said girl
You know that it's true
It's a little bit me
And it's a little bit you... too

Instrumental

Oh girl
I don't want to fight
I'm a little bit wrong
And you're a little bit right
I said girl
You know that it's true
It's a little bit me
And it's a little bit you... to

It's a little bit me
It's a little bit you
Girl don't go
No no no no no
Girl don't go
No no no no no
Hey girl

Fumes

2009-12-07T22:00:00.002Z

So there we were, sitting on the kestrel for the sixth time since pogey when all of a sudden "Marmalade!". Olaf rocked up, swigging from the noggin, placed Harry on the goldfish and flew two Tuesdays over last month.

Spurious I thought. I mean, it's not been Tuesday for about the entire width of my neighbour. And she's flatter than a pair of squirrels. Back in the day of Cross Dressing Dave, Olaf would've had a back hander and had his noggin put firmly in his doo-waa, make no shortbread biscuits about it.

Every single day is the same as what's the weather with a pint of milk. Make no mistake. It's like having your toe stuck in a jam sandwich. Sticky like fudge with a dash of claustrophobic wand waving in pants 2 sizes too small.

"Aces", said Vince.

World Cup 2010 - South Africa

2009-12-04T17:55:00.002Z

And England will play....

The USA...

Algeria...

Slovenia!

That'll do nicely, cheers.

I am beyond excited, I absolutely love the World Cup. My country is the home of football and during the big tournaments there is no better place to be than right here. Unless you've got a ticket to the actual game of course.

C'mon England!!

And Inhale...

2009-11-30T17:40:00.004Z

Standing on the tube the other day, coming home from work, when a young lady gets on at one of the stops. She leans against the inside of the train, shuffling from one foot to the other. She's not unattractive but there is something odd about the way she's behaving. I can't quite put my finger on it. So a curious extra glance is needed...

She pulls on her collar, moves her head towards her shoulder and takes a breath in through her nose. I instantly recognise the manoeuvre. It's the "Is is me that smells a little funny?" check that we've probably all done at some point. There's nothing worse than ponging in public.

My sympathy goes out to her as she double checks. I think, if it is her then I hope she hasn't got far to go and that she isn't meeting anyone important. If it's not her, then it's probably just the normal day to day squalid stench of London's Underground network.

But my sympathies turn to confusion. Her hand disappears inside her top, her digits having a good rummage around her pit. I try not to stare, but the Curiosity Creature has a firm hold on my eyeballs. I hope my efforts at nonchalance don't attract her attention because I really want to know where this is going. Confusion turns to mild shock as she withdraws her hand and places it under her nose...and there's the inhale. She drops her hand by her side.

Did she just sniff her fingers, I think to myself? Surely not?

My confusion and mild shock are replaced with a gargantuan effort to stifle the biggest laugh known to man when she double, then treble checks her pinkies for any evidence of pong with ever increasing lungfuls of air.

I exit at the next stop, grateful that she didn't have an itchy butt crack.

Bohemian Rhapsody - The Muppets

2009-11-26T20:16:00.005Z

Genius.

The line for me is "I see a silhouetteo of a clam..."

Another very delayed new Song of the Week. This time round it's Missing Andy and Subway. Saw them last week with Ted at the Dublin Castle in Camden. They provided the nights highlight with a great performance. Please double click the video to see their Youtube channel. I'd hyperlink it but it doesn't seem to be working at the moment.

Listen Up

2009-11-13T18:25:00.002Z

This song is peaches and cream and kicks off my weekend. The weekend where I work both Saturday and Sunday. Which is breasticles.

And here are the lyrics...

Listen up
What's the time said today
I'm gonna speak my mind
Take me up to the top of the world
I wanna see my crime

Day by day
There's a man in a suit
Who's gonna make you pay
For the thoughts that you think and the words
They won't let you say

One fine day
I'm gonna leave you all behind
It wouldn't be so bad
If I had more time

But I've been sailing down this river alone
And I'm still trying to find my way back home
But I don't believe in magic
Life is automatic
But I don't mind being on my own
Said that I don't mind being on my own

Listen up
What's the time said today
I'm gonna speak my mind
Take me up to the top of the world
I wanna see my crime

Day by day
There's a man in a suit
Who's gonna make you pay
For the thoughts that you think and the words
They won't let you say

One fine day
We're gonna leave it all behind
It wouldn't be so bad
If we had more time

I've been sailing down this river alone
But I'm still trying to find my way back home
And I don't believe in magic
Life is automatic
But I don't mind being on my own
Said that I don't mind being on my own
No, I don't mind being on my own
I said I don't mind being on my own

A Chance To Remember

2009-11-08T19:04:00.002Z

Today I went to Whitehall, along with several thousand others, to pay tribute to those servicemen that have given their lives in wars past and present. Wreaths of Poppy's are placed at the foot of the Cenotaph by the Royal Family and other prominent figures to honour "The Glorious Dead".

I went with CF, passing through metal detectors and searches, guarded by Armed Police, and watched over by black clad figures on the roof tops with guns. A sign of our times and an irony, considering the event, that wasn't lost on me. We joined the masses of people that had taken just a few hours out of their day to remember. To remember those that had made the ultimate sacrifice. War is never good, or glorious in my eyes, but men and women of all ages, colours and creeds gave up more than most of us will ever do to protect the ones they loved. And to save all of those that they would never meet or know. They fought and died for our freedom and deserve our respect and remembrance.

Wednesday will be the 11th of November, don't forget to pay your respects at 11am.

Never forget to Remember.

Oooh,,,

2009-11-08T19:00:00.004Z

Yeah, new presents for me.

I've been trying to find some white Adidas Country trainers, navy stripes & gum sole in a UK size 12 for ages without any success whatsoever. If anyone out there knows where I can get some feel free to drop me a line. Ta.

Here Comes The Weekend

2009-10-23T18:12:00.002+01:00

About fucking time. Seriously out of sorts this week, heads not where it should be and I'm suffering from major Grump. Must be getting close to that end of year bollocks. Hair cut tomorrow, along with new clobber (work stuff unfortunately), but it's a Start!

If we tell you that you've got two days to live
Then don't complain, 'cos that's one more than you'd get in Zaire -
So don't hang around and be foolish
Do something constructive with your weekend -
From Monday morning I work for Friday nights
Collect my wages, then try to paint on the smell of soap -
'Cause tonight I get ready early
Score what I need and go pick a girl up
It seems like ages since we had some fun -
Here comes the weekend - I get to see the girls
Long live the weekend, the weekend is here
(the weekend starts here)
Everything feels right now
I know why I'm alive now
Everything else is a lie now
Now I know why I'm here
Here comes the weekend - I'm gonna do my head
Long live the weekend, the weekend is dead

Autobiographical?

2009-10-22T18:43:00.003+01:00

Way out on top of my recently listened to tracks list is Led Zeppelin's Over The Hills And Far Away. This song is on their Houses Of The Holy album and is quite brilliant. Mind you, so is the album. In fact, if you haven't got it then go buy it. Immediately. I'll even put a link HERE so you can click it right now and use the wonder that is One-Click Purchasing....ooooh yum. I've posted up a video from Youtube below that has a bit of a dodgy recording of the studio version. I'll confess that I wasn't overly impressed by the live versions that I saw. I think maybe a case of too much sex and drugs and not enough rock 'n' roll.

Hey, lady, you got the love I need,
Maybe more than enough.
Oh, Darlin', Darlin', Darlin', walk a while with me,
Oh, you got so much, so much, so much.

Many have I loved, and many times been bitten,
many times I've gazed along the open road.

Many times I've lied and many times I've listened,
many times I've wondered how much there is to know.

Many dreams come true and some have silver linings
I live for my dream and a pocketful of gold.

Mellow is the man who knows what he's been missin',
many many men can't see the open road.

Many is a word that only leaves you guessin',
Guessin' 'bout a thing you really ought to know.

You really ought to know.
I really ought to know.

D.I.Y. In Pictures Part III

2009-10-20T19:13:00.005+01:00

Yeah I know, I've been slacking in the writing department for...well...most of this year really. However, over the last couple of months it's mainly because I've been so damn busy. One of my own personal projects has included our living room. In a nutshell, it was a shit hole. There was debris on the ceiling from a party several years ago (no, not that, but that silly string stuff, luminous freakin' yellow too). The carpet was old and black (yes, the previous owner did have a thing for decking out the whole place with black carpet. Idiot). The wallpaper was twisted and bubbled, we had no real storage, and the 3 sofa's took up way too much room. So when I had some spare time (jobless) I decided it was time for a change...

Jokes about a cup of tea being on the floor prior to any evidence of work having been done will be ignored...it was my Thinking Time.

Yet another bay window suffering from moisture. Sigh.

The walls were heavily sanded to try and get shot of some of the texture on the wallpaper. Ideally I'd like to have had the whole place replastered, but it would've cost way more than I could spend at the moment. Instead, bubbles and twists were cut out, prepped and filled then sanded.

The light switch that was hanging off was definitely on my list of things to fix...

Then the mess arrived. By the bucket load. Brilliant. Love a bit of mess sometimes.

I started off with making some storage. Really showed up how different the alcoves were in width. I think our house was built by guess work. Nothing is level or square anywhere. I ripped out the carpet, built a bay window seat, sanded, filled, painted, swept, hoovered, sang a bit, drank a box and a half of tea, got to know people that also live on my street, ordered carpet, argued with Carpet Right (Right? My Arse), got curtains and throws, and had the odd smug grin. And here are the photos of the end-ish result.

A new TV (reconditioned jobby off of the Great God Amazon) is on its way. And at some point some pictures will go up (I'd like a Weller picture up there...don't think the others are all that keen unfortunately). A rug of some description will probably go down and the bay window seat, that has storage space inside via a handy lid, will have a cushion made for it. I dare say that I'll put something inside the now vacant fireplace, if only to please my brother. He pestered me to put a bowl of stones or something in it. I'm thinking a Goblin. That'd be pretty cool to have in the fireplace. Or a Smurf band. Ones that could play whatever you wanted. I'd have them play the new Song of the Week, Give It Up by Datarock which features on their newest album, Red. I highly recommend it.

Fistful Of Wool*

2009-10-11T17:40:00.004+01:00

Taking a full load of socks and boxers to the washing machine is quite possibly one of the most complicated tasks known to man. Pun? Quite probably.

Separating colours from whites? No problem at all. Picking up all the socks and boxers in one go? Not a chance in hell. It's like trying to hold sand. The more I pick up from the floor, the more I drop. After several minutes of pick-up-sockerobics, everything is finely balanced and going well right up until that movement thing. Even turning on the spot is a challenge. I can see the pile shifting as I rotate slowly, resisting the urge to use my chin as a third hand (c'mon, old socks on my face? Yeah, right). The sense of inevitability oozes through me like treacle through a sieve. I'm going to lose another item...

...yep, there it goes...

Now I'm facing the right way, I'm left with an agonising decision to make. Do I attempt to pick up the fallen laundry and risk another dose of socksercise? Or go for the sock-foot-flick manoeuvre all the way down the stairs, through the hall and into the kitchen? This obviously carries more risk than the first option, but the sense of achievement following success is infinitely higher.

Opting for the pick up, I manage to hold on to everything. Although I do have to succumb to chinsock otherwise I'd have been there all afternoon. Even the walk to the kitchen isn't a...erm...walk in the park *ahem*. It's got to be done backwards. The walk that is. Otherwise you run the risk of missing a dropped sock after the machine is on. And I really hate having to wash just one sock so that I've got the pair.

I suppose this could all be changed by simply taking the wash basket, full of clothes, to the machine. Which would've saved me time. And made this a really short post. And quite staggeringly boring.

Mind you, I have just written about carrying socks.

Yeah, time to get out.

*Rage Against The Machine...get it?? That's bleedin' clever that is!

D.I.Y. In Pictures Part II

2009-09-24T15:39:00.007+01:00

I'm not really sure it should be called D.I.Y. because it's my actual job, but I'm sure you get the idea. Here are a couple of examples of what I've been up to recently. If you wish to see Part I then click Here.

The first set of photos belong to the house a couple of doors down from me. The previous occupant moved out and it was in dire need of some work. Broken curtains, shitty furniture, damp and 15 year old carpet with no underlay were just some of the obstacles that needed to be overcome.

This is a prime example of how disgusting some people can be. The grey line on top of everything is actually dust. Proper thick dust. I know the carpet is old, but seriously, ever heard of a hoover??

The small crack in the wallpaper turned out to be damp that covered the entire bay window wall. Removal of everything and replastering was the order of the day.

And so...after getting shot of the carpet, fixing the floorboards, replastering, filling, sanding, stain blocking, PVA-ing, caulking, priming, undercoating, more painting and a new carpet and furniture...the room now looks like this...

Next up is a job I've just finished elsewhere. For 2 quite lovely ladies. The task was to remove the quite delectable wallpaper from the walls, build some cupboards and put up some shelves, then paint. But with so many jobs, there were small hiccups.

Removing the wallpaper exposed walls that had seen better decades. There was little choice but to call in the plasterers and have the whole room skimmed. So here's the second stage.

Next up was to start the painting before the chippy arrived to put the cabinets together. After much furious sanding, painting, filling, more sanding, more painting and yours truly putting the shelves up (which are VERY level I'll have you know) the end product looks a little like this...

I love getting jobs that involve a bit more than just putting paint on walls. There's much more of a sense of achievement afterwards, which is a rare feeling having done this type of work for so long.

A much delayed update to Song of the Week, but I think you may agree that it's worth waiting for. I watched Jools Holland again the other night and Muse were on. So click the top right video to watch their performance of Uprising. Enjoy.

The Moons @ The 100 Club, Oxford Street

2009-09-13T16:19:00.005+01:00

All Mod Cons went to the 100 Club again the other night to check out The Moons. With front man Andy Crofts and the rest of the band on absolutely fine form it was definitely a night to remember. Please feel free to check out their MySpace page (above) and their blog (HERE), which is currently showing footage of them supporting Ocean Colour Scene in Crewe.

Turning up to the venue early to get tickets saw unexpected benefits, with AMC stumbling in on The Moons going through their sound check. Normally you don't get to see any of this so out came the camera to record the moment.

After they'd finished Andy came over to say hello (and probably make sure we weren't up to no good). Not only is he an excellent musician but he's incredibly approachable and was more than happy to have his photo taken with yours truly. He even put me and CF on the guest list. Mr Crofts, you're a gent.

With the support act, Operator 6, warming the crowd up nicely The Moons took to the stage and let fly with 8 fantastic tracks. Expect to hear big noises from this band coming your way soon. For those of you fortunate enough to be living in the UK look out for details of them supporting The Rifles and more OCS gigs. If my luck holds out I'll be heading up to Camden next Wednesday to see them with The Rifles at the Narrow Minded Social Club.

The evening was filled with fantastic music and even more excellent people. Outside I saw legend that is Eddie Piller again (top bloke that he is) and the outstanding Stefan who was there proving once again that he is a ludicrously good photographer. Below are some more snaps of some of the bods that I was with.

New Housemate T

T's other half...V (Not Hugo Weaving's character...obviously).

The lovely CF

And Czech Boy showing how the Europeans end their nights...

All in, a brilliant evening. Special shouts to Andy, Ed, Stefan, P, K, Debs, Darren, and everyone else.

Ground Chalk On The Walk Home

2009-08-31T20:18:00.004+01:00

Yeah ok, serious lack of any postings recently. Have been stupidly busy. Not complaining though, plenty of people out of work at the moment and I'm very happy to not be one of them.

Something I have noticed in the last 2 weeks is that everyone standing in line at the supermarket till looks like they are about to commit a religious fanatic style mass suicide. Death by fatal grapefruit stabbing. Straight in the ear.

I also saw a guy buy a bar of chocolate, 2 multi-packs of crisps (after he saw them on offer in the queue so it was a definite after thought), and 8 2.5 litre bottles of Pepsi Max. Yes, that's 20 litres of caffeine and sugar. This was also done because he saw them on offer whilst waiting to pay for his chocolate. It was £1 a bottle. It would have to come down to around 1p a bottle for me to buy it. Bloody horrible stuff. Just as well Tampax weren't on offer really. Anyway, moving swiftly on...

Song of the Week is To Be Someone by The Jam. Haven't had a Jam song in a while, but I'm showing this tune loads of love at the moment, especially the live versions. Not going to bother to post the lyrics this time, they're pretty easy to understand. This song has been featured on this blog before, but it was the cover version by Noel Gallagher, and was originally on the 1979 album...All Mod Cons (Robyn, check out the version on your copy...).

The Whole Country Is Full Of Lies

2009-08-16T21:23:00.002+01:00

To round off this week we have not just a new Song of the Week, but an album recommendation too. Better Than Heavy by Mongrel.

I was introduced to this album by a guy I met on Last.fm, and whilst it's not normally the sort of music I tend to indulge in, I've found myself listening to it more and more over the last few months.

Mongrel, formed in Sheffield last year, consist of a mix of musicians from the groups Reverend and the Makers, Babyshambles, Poisonous Poets and The Arctic Monkeys and have a distinct political tone to their lyrics. With their hip-hop indie rock sound, strong melodies and imposing messages about the good and the bad of the land we live in, they're definitely a concoction to look out for.

Probably my own personal favorite is the second song from the album, entitled Lies. Which makes its appearance as Song of the Week (No video I'm afraid, but please give it a listen to). Given the political manure that this country has spewed out from its stale stuffy innards recently, I find the lyrics incredibly apt...

"...I don't trust you anymore, or what you're saying".

Poll

2009-08-13T10:54:00.005+01:00

The other day I was literally inundated by 2 people asking why I deleted my last post. It had a poll on it and was an attempt to inject a little interactivity. I still think this is a good idea...so, here's a post with a poll that's here to stay. Well, for a bit anyway.

Song of the Week (although this should be renamed "Song of the Whenever AMC Gets Around To Changing It") has been going for some time. I've asked before if anyone listens to it and was met by a deafening wall of utter silence. My thinking is that as a poll only requires people to click one button and means you can remain totally anonymous, then maybe I'll get a little feedback on it.

The question being, should it stay or should it go? There's no real pattern to the songs I choose, they just happen to be ones that I've heard and want to share. Even if they're really old, or popular, or maybe even a song that I haven't come across before. Do you listen to them? Do they remind you of days gone by? Do you think it's a complete waste of time? Do you have any suggestions for a song to listen to?

Obviously all of these other questions are totally optional. If you want to answer them, please feel free to do so in the comments section. Failing that, move your mouse pointer over to the right and click on one of the options. You'll feel better for it. Honestly.

Battant - Kevin [1989]

2009-08-04T21:31:00.005+01:00

Check this out. I got given their promo CD and happen to think it's pretty damn good.

And the lead singer is choice too. Which is always a bonus.

Their Myspace page can be found HERE.

That's Not Cricket, It's Jousting A Bunger

2009-08-02T19:52:00.004+01:00

There's a lot of talk about this thing called The Ashes that's going on at the moment. It's a cricket tournament. Thing.

Cricket is not a sport that I've ever really had much exposure to, at any stage of my life. Certainly not at school. Give a bat to most of the pupils there and they would've legged it straight to the nearest car to have away with the stereo via a brand new hole in the glass. We played football. On a concrete playground. With a cannonball. Whilst wearing shoes crafted from stolen ties of the lower years.

This year I've taken it upon myself to try and learn a little about the sport that, apparently, every Englishman should know and love. Every now and again I check the BBC's live text coverage via my mobile and have a little read in the hope of gleaning some wise words And maybe the odd rule or two so I can piece together the jigsaw.

Here's a small example of what I'm faced with....

Groans of disbelief from the rammed Edgbaston stands as Anderson does Clarke all ends up with a beautiful snaker - hands on heads round the slips. Matt Prior standing behind the timbers with jaw hanging slack. Swanny popping off the field - is this a pre-lunch joust for Stuart Broad?

Or how about this...

That's too full from Swanny - driven away with wristy delight by Watson to go to 49. another full bunger - four more, driven through cover, and that's Watson's second half-century of the match. Good knock. Australia lead by 19, and that's drinks.

So, Swanny popped off for some pre-lunch jousting with Stuart, no doubt followed by Watson delivering some wristy delight, all with a full bunger no less. And after a good knocking, the Aussies go and get pissed. Sounds absolutely nothing like what I've ever seen of cricket. However, part of the BBC service allows people to text in with their thoughts and opinions and some of them are getting really enthusiastic about it all...

From Aidan, TMS inbox: "The excess adrenalin caused by such an important first session is causing my legs to bounce incessantly, this has the unfortunate effect of making my desk shake slightly causing the admittedly very pretty girls that sit around me at work to look at me in a very suspicious manner. Also I may throw up at any point . So all in all making a very good impression on afore mentioned young ladies."

So I'm guessing Aiden appreciates a good bit of wristy delight. Top lad. I wonder what he'd be like watching the Brazilian Women's Beach Volleyball Team? I think he might burst into flames and explode in a brilliant blue flash, leaving only his half empty bunger behind.

This game also lasts 5 days. As in, 5 whole days! And there are 5 in the series. That's an entire month of cricket. You've got to wonder how many people suffer a R.S.I. afterwards.

Anyway, this weeks Song Of The Week is Elbow and Grounds For Divorce. The video in the top right includes the BBC Concert Orchestra. However, the Official Release is HERE and the lyrics are HERE (should you wish to see a copy of them...apologies for the small advert on that site). I happen to think it's a bloody good tune.

Presents For Me!

2009-07-31T20:39:00.005+01:00

In the last post I mentioned that I'm not a great fan of birthdays. However, like pretty much everyone, I am a fan of presents. Both giving and receiving. Actually, I think I enjoy giving more. I'm also a fan of giving myself presents. More commonly known as shopping.

Well on my birthday I took possession of a most lovely present indeed from The Viking. 1001 Albums You Must Hear Before You Die. When I opened it we both sat there for about 20 minutes leafing through the glossy pages muttering "Got it, got it, heard it, that's shit, oooh, got it, want it...". Many tales came out of memories we had of listening to albums for the first time, all the way back through school. The different bands and styles of music we were into. He being a heavy metal fan and me loving the proper dance music days of the early 90's. How things change.

This book doesn't say that you've got to own all the albums, just have listened to them. To a certain extent that's true. I wouldn't want to own Christina Aguilera's Back To Basics or Kanye West's The College Dropout. However, there are a significant amount of albums in there that I don't own although I may have particular artists songs on compilation CD's or Best Of's. Anyway, I thought it would be a nice present to myself if I opened up the book at random and purchased whatever was on the 2 pages in front of me. Because of the book layout, I'd either have to buy 1, 2 or 4 albums a week. Thanks be to the God Amazon. For he shall come to my rescue.

So today, because I'm ill and because it's Friday, I clicked "Add to Basket" on the following random albums out of the book:

The Genius Of Ray Charles by Ray Charles

Here's Little Richard by Little Richard

Very Best Of The Monkees by The Monkees (sheesh, original album titles eh!?)

Here Are The Sonics by The Sonics (ok, enough already!)

Modern Sounds In Country And Western Music, Vol 1 & 2 by Ray Charles

All in for about £30, which isn't bad in my book. Next time I think I'm going to go for some Elvis. I figure that I need to build up my collection of 50's and 60's music too, broaden my horizons and all that jazz. I'm going to have to start leaving music off my Touch as it'll be full. Which is kind of working now...this being the 3rd one in about 2 1/2 months. After numerous telephone calls, several of which were over an hour long, the last one coming in at a whopping 2 hours and 45 minutes we are almost at and end of the sorry saga. That's going to make for a very interesting blog post. Apple are this close --><-- to either being really great, or really cack.

Anyway, do you know this book? Have you got it? Are there any albums you think are missing or ones that would stand out in your own 1001? Leave some words below!

(Oh, and if you do have it, check out the picture of Weller on page 403 for the All Mod Cons album by The Jam. Fecking bloody awesome. I REALLY want this on a BIG canvass!! If anyone has this image in a really decent resolution I'd love a copy!)

Currently listening to One More Time by Death In Vegas. Give it a listen, great tune.

Crisp Sandwiches For Breakfast

2009-07-23T17:25:00.006+01:00

So last weekend was my birthday*. Yet another year to add to the numerous that have already fallen by the wayside. Birthdays have never really interested me, even at a young age and I think it may have something to do with cake, but I can't be certain.

Spending so much time on my own during the day, with nowt but my trusty paintbrush to keep me company, I tend to find my mind wandering and I started mulling over how my life has changed. Mostly without me even realising it.

When I was really little the majority of my life was spent pooing, eating and sleeping. I have a funny feeling that I'll be returning to this pattern of existence, although I'm hoping not for another 50 or so years. Forward a bit and I'd progressed. I started to realise that life contained priorities, challenges and responsibilities (although these words had yet to manifest themselves into my vocabulary, which at the time consisted of mainly "Why?" and "No"). The discovery that dirt mixed with water made mud had a profound impact on me and I soon set about the challenge of making the perfect Mud Pie. Countless seconds were spent mixing until I finally had a decent looking slop. Obviously I knew that I couldn't cook it (oven is "ouch") so I figured that raw tasting was the way forward. I shortly decided that I wasn't going to make it as a chef.

Then came Lego. The most ingenious invention ever to have graced the planet. Armed with my Imagination I proceeded to construct the largest Lego tower I had ever seen. Being around 4 years old, large Lego towers were few and far between, so it didn't take too long. But why stop at a tower? Expansion was the key. Garages, guns, moon bases, small odd looking animals, faces, plates, and even a Lego massager (my Mum had a sore back and I thought it would help) were all on the list of things to build. I was a God, there was nothing I couldn't make. Even if the end result did look a little angular. But that was a triviality I didn't have time to address (until I got some sloped shaped bricks for Christmas, and then everything had sloped edges, even things that were supposed to be straight).

By the time I reached 5 I had discovered money. My Great Nan saved her copper coins (1/2 pennies, 1's and 2's) and gave them to me when I went to visit her. Although they were only the really shiny ones. Sometimes I would have about 20 of them waiting for me and I would spend hours counting them, making shapes out of them on the carpet. I also knew you could give them to people and you would get stuff in return. Important stuff. Like sweets. I used to visit the little Indian lady that owned the sweet shop below where we lived and give her some of the coins in exchange for Cola Bottles. This arrangement worked really well and I liked her for it. One day I heard her talking to her husband in a language I'd never heard before. Nothing she said made any sense. I thought I'd write her a thank you note for providing me with sweets in exchange for metal discs. I wrote down a whole bunch of stuff that looked like she sounded (squiggly lines in essence) and gave it to her proudly stating that it was a thank you note in her language. It was only in later life that I realised why she looked so miffed. But she was lovely and just smiled and said thanks. My career as a serial spender was off to a flying start.

Adult conversations often confused me. They were faster than my own and rarely contained words that I understood, like Toys or Presents. One day I tried and Adult conversation with my Action Man. Mostly I came up with "Hmmm, yeah", a nod of my head and a noise akin to "Rar rar rar". This seemed to satisfy Action Man, so much so that he then set about waging war with the Transformers. I've since realised that Adult conversations are overrated, mostly full of rubbish and still contain a lot of words I don't understand. They are also rarely about Toys or Presents.

Now that I'm older I no longer build fishes out of plastic bricks, or try to hide a complete head of broccoli under my fork. I worry about having enough work to pay the bills and think that cheese is too expensive. I notice that the city I live in is incredibly dirty and am puzzled as to what my Council Tax is spent on. It concerns me that I think society is becoming more decadent and am fed up trying to remember that rubbish day is a Thursday. I'm bored of having to do the washing and I loathe having to shave for fear of being mistaken for a homeless guy. I understand that there is a great gulf between the rich and the poor of even my fair country and it saddens me. No longer can I get away with cutting up some plain paper and drawing a rather poor Queen's head on one side, then passing it off as real cash. And have people accept it with a "Aww, isn't that sweet".

Now I'm older I've come to realise that being a kid was very good fun indeed. Talking to yourself, imagining that you were 6 types of robot, was perfectly acceptable social behaviour. Sitting in a cardboard box that you had drawn spaceship controls in, with a borrowed black mascara, for 2 days straight was considered a fine display of creative intelligence. And having odd socks and shoes on, an inside out jumper and backwards trousers was never frowned upon, purely because you had actually managed to dress yourself without help or supervision.

*Insert slightly premature old man's voice here* "Cor, I remember when I was a kid...."

-------

*Well, it was last week when I started writing this, now it's 2 weeks. I'm such a slacker.

Belleruche - How Honey Would Sound If It Could Sing

2009-07-20T21:54:00.009+01:00

Occasionally I come across a tune that I instantly fall in love with. Normally in cases like that I'll see if there's an album attached to the relevant artist and take steps to give my money to the sweet God of Amazon.

This case was no different. Although the album took a little longer than usual to arrive, our postal service decided to go the way of Toronto's trashmen and went on strike (less smelly, but still inconvenient). Today I came home to the neatly packaged Turntable Soul Music by Belleruche. So, was it worth the wait?

In a word, yes. It's rare that I listen to an album all the way through straight off the bat, but I've had this playing constantly for the last couple of hours. It's that good. The 3 piece group, comprising of Kathrin deBoer, Ricky Fabulous and DJ Modest, turn out a wonderful mix of soul, funk and jazz with a few other flavours and a definite sprinkle of their own magic. Within seconds of putting the album on the kitchen stereo, all of the occupants were nodding their heads and shaking their booties. You just can't help it. Kathin deBoer's voice is out of this world and to be frank, because he knows best, it makes me want to do inappropriate things to my speakers. And it's not often I say that!

If you don't own this album then get out your plastic and order yourself a copy pronto. I promise it'll be one of the best purchases you've made.

Such high praise, inevitably, means that a Belleruche song makes it to Song Of The Week. With so many to choose from it makes it a hard decision. Alice, Minor Swing and The Itch are some of All Mod Cons favorites...but I think it's only fair that Northern Girls goes up as it was the track that I first heard.

Below are the lyrics for your singalong pleasure...

Keep on telling you
Keep trying to get through
That big old head
Seems to be wasted breath

What more can I say
I'm not in love with you
Let it go let it go
And I'll be kind to you

I tried the simple things
Didn't return your calls
I was busy every day
Never any time at all

But you needed a bigger clue
I got town 'cause I didn't want to hurt you
But you keep pushing, keep pushing me away

You keep on hounding me
Keep on finding me
You keep on trying me
I can't get away

You keep on hounding me
Keep on finding me
You keep on trying me
I can't get away

Tried to be a friend
Wasn't out to offend
Well I love being with you
Suppose that why you got confused

I thought that we made it clear
I was never to change my mind
You've become so precious dear
But you've got to leave this behind

One day I hope you find
Someone who loves you too
So you'll let me be
And you'll forget you've ever had

A bruised and broken heart
That can't forgive and can't forget
Driving us both spare and mad
Well you're driving me away

You keep on hounding me
Keep on finding me
You keep on trying me
I can't get away

You keep on hounding me
Keep on finding me
You keep on trying me
I can't get away

Keep trying to get closer
Keep trying to get a hold of
Keep on trying, you're driving me away
Keep trying to get closer
Keep trying to get a hold of
Keep on trying, you're driving me away
Oh you're driving me away

You keep on hounding me
Keep on finding me
You keep on trying me
I can't get away

You keep on hounding me
Keep on finding me
You keep on trying me
I can't get away

Keep trying to get closer
Keep trying to get a hold of
Keep on trying
You're driving me away

Keep trying to get closer
Keep trying to get a hold of
Keep on trying
You're driving me away
Oh, you're driving me away

(I really can't leave it at that...here's the link to Alice. No video, just a still image, but PLEASE give it a listen!!)

This Week Has Been...

2009-07-12T21:49:00.003+01:00

Argh.

At one point I stood in my garden, hands firmly wedged in my pockets and looked up at the silently rumbling clouds passing overhead. Intermittent raindrops fell out of the sky ruining an impossibly good hair day. I had hoped that the splashing water might clear the confuggle that was rattling around inside what was left of my brain. Nothing else had worked. It's amazing how complicated things can turn out when all you're trying to do is help people.

I know that what I'm going to do tomorrow won't make much sense to those around me, and my close friends may say I'm even stranger than they thought I was. But it's a sacrifice that I'm willing to make. And it'll make me feel better. Whilst helping several people out at the same time. And I'll remain the better person for doing so.

Bob Marley probably said it best...Let's get together and feel alright. One Love is this weeks Song Of The Week.

Peace people.

-----------------------------------

One love, one heart
Let's get together and feel all right
Hear the children crying (One love)
Hear the children crying (One heart)
Sayin', "Give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right."
Sayin', "Let's get together and feel all right."
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa

Let them all pass all their dirty remarks (One love)
There is one question I'd really love to ask (One heart)
Is there a place for the hopeless sinner
Who has hurt all mankind just to save his own?
Believe me

One love, one heart
Let's get together and feel all right
As it was in the beginning (One love)
So shall it be in the end (One heart)
Alright, "Give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right."
"Let's get together and feel all right."
One more thing

Let's get together to fight this Holy Armageddon (One love)
So when the Man comes there will be no, no doom (One song)
Have pity on those whose chances grow thinner
There ain't no hiding place from the Father of Creation

Sayin', "One love, one heart
Let's get together and feel all right."
I'm pleading to mankind (One love)
Oh, Lord (One heart) Whoa.

"Give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right."
Let's get together and feel all right.
(Repeat)

Technologicus Deadicus

2009-07-05T20:24:00.003+01:00

My love affair with technology is a love hate one. I love it, but it hates me. With a fury more ferocious than a bag full of bees being used as a football. Every single piece of gadgetry that I have owned has either gone wrong or been utterly destroyed within weeks of me getting my grubby little mitts on it.

Every mobile phone I have received has had to be returned within a week, each upgrade has gone back. Twice. My new laptop has had Vista reinstalled. Three times. My first ever iPod ended up 3mm thick and comprised of several little bits of shiny silveriness after just 2 weeks when a van hit it. Whilst attached to my waist (fortunately I didn't end up in little bits of pinkness, just 1 bit of blueblackgreenyellowredness). The only piece of technology that I'd managed to sustain a healthy working relationship with was my replacement iPod, a meaty 30gb video jobby. I even took extra methods to protect it with a full aluminium case which saved the day on numerous occasions.

I recently came to posses the current numero uno in iPod ownership, the 32gb iPod Touch. My hopes, unbelievably, were high when I held the sleek iconic body in my hands. The marvellous screen flickered into life like a billion Ants waving Zippo lighters at Caterpillar bongo gig. I spent ages getting all the artwork for every album just because I wanted to see the whizzy round covers thing in all its glory. Transferring all my music wasn't a chore, never has watching a little grey line move from left to right on my screen created such tension in me (I don't get out much). I whooped in glee like a Girl Guide baking her first batch of cookies to sell at the local Church Fete as music filtered into my ears. The smooth feel to the touch screen was incredible, as was the speed of everything happening, flipping between screens was a joy to behold. And then the music stopped. Just like that. The little arrow said it was playing, but the time said it wasn't. One of them was lying. And the time never lies. I had to give it a manual push to get it going again. Several songs later it stopped again. Typical.

Several calls to Apple later, including a call centre in Greece, some unknown country, somewhere in the UK and finally the US. It wasn't until I spoke to the woman in America that I finally got a solution. I explained what was happening and she immediately arranged for the iPod to be picked up and a replacement to be delivered. And it happened. Within 3 days. God bless America and her customer service.

With the new one in hand, everything was starting to look all sexy and bosh again. Then Apple in its divine wisdom *coughbollockscough* said that it was going to release a new iPhone and new software. This new software was supposed to be even faster, slicker, and have a whole bunch of new bits that I'll probably never use. And unlike iPhone users who got it for free, I would have to fork out £6 on it. Why? I've no idea. To scam us and make more money probably. My new iPod was working fairly ok, so I didn't need the new software. But that little sign saying "New Software Available" just screamed at me. But I'm like a 5 year old with Goldfish Memory Syndrome hooked up to an electric chair with a Big Red Button and a sign saying Do Not Push. I just can't resist buttons, and it seems I'll never learn that I always get some sort of shock.

£6 has got me a beautiful looking piece of equipment controlled by a million Gremlins all out on a day trip to Wet 'n' Wild, with Starbucks on tap. I love rating my songs, I like things to be organised, playlists fill my day with wondrous treats aplenty. It used to be a case of "Rate, Flip Screen, Swoosh the time slider wotsit, Flip Screen, Rate (repeat)". That fast to rate songs. Lovely nerdy bliss! Now is a different story. It's more like:

Rate
Push Screen & Pause For 3 seconds
Screen Flips & Music Plays
Wait 6 seconds & Play Music For 2 Seconds & Pause For 2 Seconds
Screen Now Active
Swoosh time slider wotsit
New Track Plays But Screen Stays On Previous Song
Wait 6 Seconds Before New Song Appears
Pause Whilst Time Stays Still For 3 Seconds
Push Button & Rate
Repeat If You've Got No Will To Live

This process is even more mind numbing to do than read or write. I promise you. The battery icon also seems to be having a personality crisis and can't make up its mind whether to be Mr Full Juice or Mr I'Mdoingbuggeralljustchargeme. Needless to say I'm not allowed to put the old software back on. there's no option for that. There's also no email feedback option on the Apple website that I can find. And none of this appears on their FAQ's either. I just want to be able to explain to someone what's happening, for them to give me and answer. Which preferably includes the words "I'm really sorry, here's the old software and your £6 back". I've also used up my only phone call to Apple. 1 phone help, unless you pay more. Tossers.

What's really disappointing is that it's made me realise that my iPod isn't what it seems. When I first opened the box I saw something incredible, something glorious that was conceived by Elves under the guidance of a Jedi Master using stardust from the distant galaxy of Alpha iPodi. Fused together and hammered into shape by bars of every song ever written. What I've actually got would test the patience of the God Walkman himself and feels like it's been made by dyslexic goats.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Song Of The Week is Fools Gold by The Stone Roses.

Post 100.1

2009-07-02T21:43:00.002+01:00

I have severe brain strain going on. So much so that I think the internal workings of my bonce now resemble what appeared on my plate at the local greasy spoons cafe last week. It wasn't pretty. Or particularly edible.

This is my 100th post (on this blog) and for some reason I've felt that I should be writing something rather splendid in order to celebrate this milestone. I didn't want to go the route of Here's a summary of the last 99 posts. I wanted to do something the stood out from the rest, maybe a unique story or something that people might read and say "Wow, that's really well written". A post with purpose. I think insightful is a good adjective.

Everything I saw, spoke about, heard or read was given the analytical treatment. Nothing quite seemed to match up to what I thought would achieve any of my desires. Everything appeared inadequate. Or more boring than watching paint dry. And I've done more than my fair share of that. Trust me, interesting it ain't.

Which got me thinking (whilst watching yet another coat of paint dry) why do we put so much emphasis onto things like this? Why does the fact that I've written 100 posts even need to be mentioned? I don't think there's anything special in this one. I happen to think post 96 was much better.

So, theories on a postcard please. And if you read here on a regular basis, please feel to leave 100th post comments. Especially those that haven't commented before!

Death By Stereo

2009-06-21T08:38:00.004+01:00

Over the past couple of years, everything that's cool with the kids has been retro. If it's steeped in 80's karma then it's no longer plastic and crap but alive with sort of cola bottle fizz that used to turn your face inside out.

If big hair, glam rock, and vampires are your thing then you only need to look back as far as 1987 to find one of the greatest flicks the world has ever known. Before Joel Schumacher killed the Batman franchise stone dead with Batman Forever and Batman & Robin he directed The Lost Boys and gave the world what it needed. A dirty, sexy vampire teen movie laced with laughs and more cheese than a 18 inch Pizza Hut stuffed crust.

The Lost Boys effectively launched Kiefer Sutherland into, well, some sort of popularity, proved that Corey Feldman really couldn't act and primed Alex Winter for his staring role as Bill S. Preston in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. But none of this matters because it all works. Throw in a soundtrack that any 80's film would've been happy to have and you've got a masterpiece that will last longer than any of the vampires in Santa Carla. If you ever hear Cry Little Sister, you automatically know it's from this film. And how can a film that contains songs written by Elton John, Michael Hutchence and The Doors, performed by INXS, Roger Daltry and Echo & The Bunnymen be anything other than utterly bighaired-tastic?

Ignoring the naff Gothic emo images, here's Cry Little Sister for your listening pleasure...

I'd also recommend giving People Are Strange a listen to. The Doors version is, obviously, quite brilliant although the Echo & The Bunnymen one won't turn you into the undead either.

If you haven't seen this film, I suggest you get onto Amazon and buy yourself a copy. The 80's are back people. Watch this movie and fill your heads with high collars, leather jackets, Nike trainers with Velcro and enough hairspray to stick a greased glam rocker to an MTV set.

"So what's the rush? You're chasing that girl aren't you? Come on, admit it. I'm at the mercy of your sex glands bud."

The Jam Live 1981

2009-06-12T23:49:00.004+01:00

I've been wearing this song out for the last week. Not bad considering it's an mp3 file. This is one of my favorite Jam songs and I would've loved to have seen them perform it live. Instead, I'll just have to make do with a YouTube video instead. Please feel free to leave a comment...especially those that lurk! Go on, you know you want to say something...

Lyrics for The Jam & Pretty Green:

I've got a pocket full of pretty green -
I'm gonna put it in the fruit machine -
I'm gonna put it in the juke box -
It's gonna play all the records in the hit parade -

I've got a pocket full of pretty green -
I'm gonna give it to the man behind the counter -
He's gonna give me food and water -
I'm gonna eat that and look for more -

This is the pretty green - this is society -
You can't do nothing - unless it's
in the pocket - oh no -

I've got a pocket full of pretty green -
I'm gonna put it in the fruit machine -
I'm gonna put it in the juke box -
It's gonna play all the records in the hit parade -

This is the pretty green - this is society -
You can't do nothing - unless it's
in the pocket - oh no -

And they didn't teach me that in school -
It's something that I learnt on my own -
That power is measured by the pound or the fist -
It's as clear as this oh -

I've got a pocket full of pretty green -
I'm gonna put it in the fruit machine -
I'm gonna put it in the juke box -
It's gonna play all the records in the hit parade -

I've got a pocket full of pretty green -
I'm gonna give it to the man behind the counter -
He's gonna give me food and water -
I'm gonna eat that and look for more -

This is the pretty green - this is society -
You can't do nothing - unless it's
in the pocket - oh no -

I've got a pocket full of Pretty Green!

Bloody Bloody Bloody Bloody Bleedin Bloody

2009-06-08T20:29:00.003+01:00

This was pointed out to me by The Viking. The Apprentice is not a show that I've ever really watched, I'm not into the whole reality TV crap that's infested our culture over the last few years (although I will watch anything with Gordon Ramsey in, gotta luv him really). This edit was done by Cassetteboy on Youtube, check his channel out as he's done quite a few other bits, and is most amusing. For those of you that aren't in this country and haven't seen Alan Sugar before, he's a twat. I think that just about covers it.

The World Has Gone Bonkers

2009-06-07T19:40:00.003+01:00

This article appeared on the Yahoo! homepage the other day. It basically says that kids have been banned from wearing swimming goggles on safety grounds stating "They believe serious injury could occur if a pair of goggles snapped onto a child's face too hard or if a lens popped out unexpectedly.". It then goes on to say that "...the school followed advice from the British Association of Advisers and Lecturers in Physical Education (BAALPE), handed out to all Flintshire schools.

BAALPE advice states: "Head teachers should inform parents/carers that goggles can be a hazard and cause permanent eye injury.

"Wet plastic is very slippery and frequent, incorrect or unnecessary adjustment or removal of them, by pulling them away from the eyes instead of sliding them over the forehead, can lead to them slipping from the pupil's grasp with the hard plastic causing severe injury."".

Now does anything about this strike you as odd? Or, if I may be so bold as to say, utterly fucking ridiculous? The mere fact that there are people out there that get paid to investigate this stuff is beyond my comprehension. Also, in all my years of living on this giant ball we call Earth, I've never ever ever heard of any child anywhere succumb to the unholiest of death traps we call goggles. I've not heard of a "lens accidentally popping out" but can you imagine the utter devastation it would cause? Those of a weak heart disposition may not want to dwell on it. Seriously. And why hasn't someone told the goggle manufacturers that they are producing products capable of maiming children? They should be made to place warnings on the packaging. Use in water may cause eye gouging, blindness and even decapitation. Then have a picture of a headless child next to it, just like smokers now have pictures of lungs and hearts on tobacco. We have to get the message through!

Now I think about it, shouldn't tins be banned? They are made of metal. And they've got fairly sharp edges. If accidentally dropped because of excessive handling they can cause extensive foot damage. Both to flesh and to bone. Untreated, injuries like that can lead to amputation. Not to mention the fact that if you have too many in your shopping bag, you may strain any number of muscles when lifting it.

Food should also be banned. Excessive consumption, accidental or not, can and will lead to obesity giving rise to heart problems, back strains, diabetes and in severe cases of over eating people will explode. Normally into millions of pieces, some of them quite sharp. Which is why you should never stand near a severely large person whist they're eating. Bloater shrapnel can be fatal.

Flowers also have to go. Whilst they may be pretty and inviting, especially to smell, an unexpected bee within the flower could cause rapid and painful swelling to the end of your nose. The stem could also house several other creatures, normally of the insect variety. Unchecked, these creatures could easily infest your home, resulting in the foundations crumbling due ferocious tunneling by the insects. Probably ants. Although it does depend on the type of flower you were handling earlier. Goats have been known to inhabit some rare species of orchid. Trust me when I say you do not want an infestation of goats. That can get m-aaaanic.

Know Your Band

2009-06-06T21:04:00.004+01:00

I don't often do those meme things, but I saw this somewhere (I can't remember where, but if you've done it then it may have been your blog I was looking at, in which case "cheers").

Get yourself onto Wikipedia and you'll see the Random Article link in the box on the left sidebar. Hit it once and the headline to the random article is your band name. Hit it again to get the name of your first album. The next 10 articles are the individual track names of your debut offering. Here are my results...

Band Name: 13 Shocking Secrets You'll Wish You Never Knew About Lemony Snicket (Holy crap, bit of a mouthful. Shortly abbreviated to Snicket's 13 Secrets, sounds much better!)

Album Name: 1997 In Radio (Cool...a late 90's revival band!)

Track Listing:

Kickstand
Paulo Alves
1998 Grand Prix Motorcycling Racing Season (The chances of 2 dates in the late 90's appearing randomly? Remarkable)
Vietnamese Name
The Wonder Of Women
Eric Fletcher Waters (No way, this dude was Roger Waters father! Doubly remarkable)
Theatre Row Hollywood
History Of The Cossacks
23 (album)
Hits 58
Szale (Secret Track)

An album full of bravado and hypocrisy, laced with sarcasm and aiming 2 fingers solidly at the establishment. 1997 In Radio, available from Vespa Entertainment tomorrow. Click Here to pre-order your copy now!

If you want to have a crack at this, please do. Either leave your answers in the comments section, or shout back this way if you do it on your own. I'd be interested to see what you come up with. I also think this is a pretty cool way of introducing yourself if you're one of those lurkers out there...don't be shy!

X Marks The Cherry

2009-06-04T19:01:00.004+01:00

I'm not going to get into the whole political debate that is currently rampaging its way through our country. I'm fairly sure that everyone has heard about it, it is fairly big news and I'm trying pretty hard to resist the urge to whinge and moan. However, today is the day we stick our X down on a lovely piece of paper indicating our choice for the European elections.

I'm also not going to say who I've voted for. Although it wasn't Labour and it certainly wasn't the BNP (British National Party...racist bunch of cunts that they are). The point is, I voted. Unlike hundreds of thousands of other people. And this is what makes me really want to have a bitch. A Democracy only works if the people of the land get off their fat asses and go and vote. I also believe 100% that if you do not vote then you have absolutely no right whatsoever to have an opinion on how your country is run. Booths are open from VERY early until fairly late in the evening, not having time just isn't a viable reason. I was in and out within 3 minutes. Most of that time was spent waiting for the woman to fold up a piece of paper to hand to me, and patting the cutest puppy I've seen in a while. Putting the X down took less time than it does to claim for having your moat cleaned and was less painful than getting your tax paying constituents to cough up for it.

C'mon people, get out there and take part in how your country is run. Stick your mark down!

-------------------------------------------------

Song Of The Week (albeit a bit late) is Wild Blue Yonder by Paul Weller. I first heard this at Koko in Camden and absolutely loved it. Below are the lyrics and to the right is the video. Enjoy.

Lets go sailing in the wild blue yonder,
lets go sailing in the wild blue yonder,
lets go sailing in the wild blue yonder,
backing it up, leaving it all behind.

Lets go loving like we know we all are,
lets go loving like we know we all are,
lets go loving like we know we all are,
backing it up, leaving it all behind.

While we're thinking 'bout thinking it over,
while we're thinking 'bout thinking it over,
while we're thinking 'bout thinking it over,
the world has turned, another day has gone.

I wonder who I am,
and what you really think about me.
I wonder who you are,
and what I really feel to you.

Lets go loving in the wild green clover,
lets go loving in the wild green clover,
lets go loving in the wild green clover,
the world has turned, another day has passed.

Lets go sailing in the wild blue yonder,
lets go sailing in the wild blue yonder,
lets go sailing in the wild blue yonder.

Lets go sailing,
lets go sailing,
lets go sailing in the wild blue yonder.
Lets go sailing in the wild blue yonder.
Lets go sailing

Caverns Of Furry Donkeys!*

2009-05-26T22:47:00.004+01:00

Seriously, what the fuck is it with people searching for "Hairy Assholes Women" and getting to my blog!? I would like to make it incredibly clear, there are no women here with hairy assholes! There aren't even any women here without hairy assholes. There are NO women. And NO hairy assholes. This is officially a female hairy asshole free zone. Zero holes of asses present. We are not female. And whilst we may posses hair, and it may be on our ass, it is not a female ass. The buttocks are not creamy and do not look good in lyrca.

Please desist! Stop! Enough already!

Although I would like to say hello to the person that arrived with the search term "wet hairy knickers" and then stayed to look at the Weller and Gallagher labels. I hope you enjoyed the photos.

Talking of labels, it's surprising how many of the searchers of "wetting knickers blog" then click on the Arsefuckery label. I'd say a good 7 out of 10 of them.

*see what I did there? See? Get it!?

It's Not Called Soccer Dammit!

2009-05-25T21:04:00.006+01:00

Time for boys talk.

This year was a sad one for my football club, Southampton. And I'm going to explain why, with a whole bunch of other narrative thrown in...

Up until the age of about 14 I liked Liverpool, but that was more to do with the fact that they were the successful team of the time. I didn't in fact live anywhere near Liverpool, probably quite like a lot of their current supporters. Anyway, I wanted to have a proper bond with my team, something that would allow me to become more emotionally involved with the sport that is important to any young lad growing up. It needed to be a special link, something that would give me that "I belong" feeling. Normally you support the team that's local to where you grew up, but as I'd moved around a lot whilst getting to the heady heights of 14, I didn't have that roots connection. So I looked even further back than just growing up, I looked to where I was born. I was in fact born in the Channel Islands. Unfortunately there isn't a Jersey United playing in the Premiership, but there were 2 players in different clubs that were born there. 1 of them happened to be a very gifted player, constantly making back page headlines for scoring incredible goals. However, he was playing for a mediocre team (at best) and they were always fighting against being relegated from the top tier of English football. But part of supporting a team is doing it through the good times and the bad. That's the emotional connection, it's the low parts that make the high ones taste even better. So my new found bond between me, Matt Le Tisser and Southampton Football Club came into being, and I've loved supporting them for the last 17 years.

Le Tissier was a brilliant player, and probably kept us in the Premiership several seasons running by scoring important goals at crucial times, and most of them were spectacular. He was also pretty lardy, couldn't run for toffee and had a beak you could undo cans with. But nobody cared, because he scored goals. Obviously a player that makes headline news like this is going to attract interest from much bigger clubs, and I remember reading about Chelsea bidding £7m for him and thinking crap, he's gone for that sort of money. Southampton are a small club, and 15 years ago that was a significant amount of cash. But he turned it down, deciding to stay with the club he signed for as an 18 year old. Displaying such a level of loyalty, when having a cash carrot of that size dangling in front of you and in times when all footballers are obviously just only worried about money, Le Tissier was elevated to deity status in Southampton. Banners at matches displayed simply "Le God". He remained at the club until his eventual retirement in 2002.

Here are some of his goals...

After he retired we battled on, but eventually lost the fight with relegation a couple of seasons ago. I had hoped for an immediate return to the Premiership, but it wasn't to be. Instead, all of the Southampton supporters found themselves in familiar territory, staving off relegation. It came down to the last match of the season, we had to get a result against Sheffield United in the Championship. They were playing to get back into the Premiership, so we were at very different ends of the table. Matt Le Tissier was working with Sky Sports, commentating on the match...here's the story of how it unfolded...

It's obvious from the video that his loyalty and his passion for the club hasn't dwindled. Watching those 2 videos warmed my heart, but saddened me because of this seasons news. A woeful season, a lack of desire from a lot of players, bad management, a half empty stadium, many things have combined to contribute to Southampton being relegated once again. The 2009-10 season will be spent playing in Division 1. I only hope we manage to rise to the challenge and get promoted. I wouldn't mind seeing a few more players like Le Tissier, players that want to do well for the club because it's a place they want to be. Players that aren't shallow, money obsessed, diving, cheating, cock sucking parasites that bleed supporters dry just because they have to pay for their girlfriends coffee enema, a completely chrome car and a 65 year old prostitute. I didn't really mind that we weren't a successful club, because I loved the emotions at the end of the season, the "will we, won't we" see-saw of if we were staying up or not. I'd like the won't bit to stop for a while and be replaced with when we win Division 1 and go back to those happy emotions displayed so accurately by Matt Le God.

God And Dog Poo

2009-05-22T16:41:00.002+01:00

Watch it all...the end is kinda relevant...

Right, so...talented? Definitely, without doubt. Just a little scary? Erm...yeah. And she's hearing voices in her head...which doesn't sound to me like someone who is quite all there. I mean, if I had a 9 year old that came up to me one day and said "Hey, I've just been having a chat with my mate God and he's been saying I should write some stuff down for everyone to read" I would probably be a little concerned. If, however, she came out and said her friend ----- had made her do it, but nobody else can see him, and he lives in her cupboard, then I'm more likely to believe her. Right?

And as we know, all imaginary friends are real. Take these as proof.

Only the first 4 mins of the first one, but all the second one. Believe me, they're worth watching. Bit to look out for...when the little girl says "Sugar?", too funny!

Oh man...cobwebs...!

British humour, brilliant.

Seriously, Just Read This!

2009-05-19T21:03:00.005+01:00

Now THIS is very very very cool. Maybe I'm being geeky, but I seriously love stuff like this. Makes me glad to be alive in a time when we're still able to make discoveries like this, I find it quite exciting. Imagine if we already knew all the answers to everything, how boring would that be? Very boring, that's how much.

I think it's one of humanity's greatest gifts, the desire for more knowledge, the need to be more than what we are right now. There's so much we don't know, not just about the big things like how the universe began or the origins of life on this planet or even the meaning of life (if there is indeed a meaning to it all), but the little things. Like, what is Marmite or why does there have to be such a thing as a "Bad Hair Day" and is The Matrix actually real (c'mon, it could be!)? Seriously, scientists need to get onto those.

So anyway, when this arrives in London, I'm definitely off to see it. Along with probably a billion other people. Wow, that'll be fun! Wonder if you'll be allowed to take photos of it? If not, I'll have to go all covert and try and get a sneaky one with my phone.

Whilst typing this I've been listening to some tunes and Oasis came on, playing Wonderwall on Jools Holland back in 2000*. It's not generally one of my favorite Oasis songs, it's obviously a very good song, but I think I've heard it too many times. However, this effort is pretty good and I thought I'd share it. Lyrics below.

Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you shoulda, somehow, realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now

Back beat, the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before but you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day but they'll never throw it back to you
By now you shoulda somehow realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now

And all the roads that lead you there were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me

*(I remember being a lot younger and thinking, "Man, I'm going to be so old when I say I remember back in 2000"...that memory is really depressing!)

Entertain Me Crap Stick!

2009-05-18T20:29:00.004+01:00

I had a whole list of stuff that I wanted to say, but as usual when it came to sitting in front of my laptop my brain undid the top of my head, packed its suitcase and fucked off, leaving me with the usual sawdust rattling around in the vast chasm that is my bonce.

Then I had a brainwave, only without the brain. I guess that makes it a wave? Not that I sat here and just waved, because that would be fairly stupid. The sort of thing that someone with a head full of sawdust would do...bugger. Anyway, my little idea...seeking some inspiration, I turned to YouTube. I know, I thought, I'll type in something and see what comes top of the list and decide if it's blog worthy. But what to type in?? Shit, another stumbling block...all I needed was some fucking inspiration! So, I typed that in. Fucking Inspiration. And I came up with this.

This is part 1 of 2...I'm only posting the first part, but if you feel so inclined to watch the 2nd half you can see it HERE.

If you do watch the 2nd part, please paraphrase it for me.

If you've managed to watch the whole clip you'll be fully aware that it is over 6 minutes long. I fully apologise for the fact that you will not get those 6 minutes back, and that I am responsible for your loss.

Couple of things I noticed from this video. First, as far as I can tell he's trying to say that we have brains, and they learn. Knowledge is acquired, passed from person to person, and built on each time. But that we also don't need other human beings to survive, although I'm not too sure how that works. Bit of a contradiction if you ask me. And second, is this how Chewbacca would look if he shaved his face? Oh, there's a third too...is he stoned? Those sorts of random conversations about utter bollocks seem fairly familiar.

Right, now that I've wasted 6 minutes of your life, I'll repay you with 3 and a half minutes of fantasticness. And that's a real word I'll have you know. Taken in 2004 in a music store (HMV) in London...That's Entertainment, originally by The Jam. Lyrics below kiddies.

A police car and a screaming siren
Pneumatic drill and ripped up concrete
A baby wailing, a stray dog howling
The screech of brakes and lamplights blinking

That’s entertainment, that’s entertainment

A smash of glass and the rumble of boots
An electric train and a ripped up phone booth
Paint splattered walls and the cry of a tom cat
Lights going out and a kick in the balls

I say that’s entertainment, that’s entertainment

Days of speed and slow time Mondays
Pissing down with rain on a boring Wednesday
Watching the news and not eating your tea
A freezing cold flat and damp on the walls

I say that’s entertainment, that’s entertainment

Waking up at 6 a.m. on a cool warm morning
Opening the windows and breathing in petrol
An amateur band rehearse in a nearby yard
Watching the telly and thinking 'bout your holidays

That’s entertainment, that’s entertainment

Waking up from bad dreams and smoking cigarettes
Cuddling a warm girl and smelling stale perfume
A hot summers day and sticky black tarmac
Feeding ducks in the park and wishing you were far away

That’s entertainment, that’s entertainment

Two lovers kissing amongst the scream of midnight
Two lovers missing the tranquillity of solitude
Getting a cab and travelling on buses
Reading the graffiti about slashed seat affairs

I say that’s entertainment, that’s entertainment

Also....Song Of The Week...Pete Molinari with It Came Out Of The Wilderness, released last year on the Damaged Good record label. I suggest you give it a listen. Just a suggestion mind.

Vice Rag / AA Bondy @ The Colony Club

2009-05-15T23:05:00.005+01:00

If you've got a spare 3 minutes, and can lift the volume up a bit (the recording level isn't great) then this is definitely worth a listen. I've put the lyrics underneath for those of you that search for them...and I know some of you do...

Sweet, sweet cocaine
Won't you be all mine
Heart'll pound, my hands will shake
I'm doin' mighty fine

Sweet, sweet heroin
Won't you be all mine
I don't wanna feel a thing
Want nothin' on my mind

Sweet, sweet whiskey
Won't you be all mine
If you were to fill the ocean
I would drink it dry

Sweet, sweet devil
Won't you be all mine
Set this tired land aflame
It ain't worth a dime

Sweet, sweet Jesus
Won't you be all mine
If you take my sinner's hand
We'll walk down the line

I particularly like the facial movements when he's humming, how the camera operator knows exactly when to film his foot, and the excellent audience participation. Live music, don'tcha just love it?

How Does It Feel?

2009-05-14T20:39:00.001+01:00

I would like to draw your attention to this.

Well? How does it feel?

The Passing Of Information

2009-05-13T11:00:00.002+01:00

Brief post for a change. I seem to be writing a little more often, but I'm not going to think about it otherwise I might lose the urge to put down completely and utterly useless shite on the net. Anyway, starting to waffle (busy waiting for the carpet guy to arrive...groan)...

Check out THIS blog. It's also a new addition to the sidebar. Funny, articulate, and yet another good place to drop by. You have been told.

New Song Of The Week is Memphis Tennessee by a seriously cool cat, Chuck Berry himself. Be sure to watch the video as well as listen to the song, groooovy.

Talking of cool sounds, I can officially reveal the coolest sound of all. It is in fact the sound of a lightsaber. Disagreeing only means you get laughed at. Zwoooshhfizzzhummmm....or something akin to that!

Lost For 'Em, You Know, Them Things...

2009-05-12T15:12:00.003+01:00

Words are everywhere. Our ability to communicate is what, apparently, separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom.

They effectively dictate our lives. Words tell us what to do, they give us information on everything, they educate and confuse us, entertain and disappoint us. There are words for everything. They tell us about wars and tragedy, teach us about history, give us hope for the future, convey our thoughts and emotions.

Pretty amazing really when you think about it. After all, they're just a bunch of squiggly lines.

But for all their uses and the marvellous adaptability of the English language, sometimes they just don't cut it. Somehow they fall short, no matter how creative or eloquent you are.

Today I fell short. I've read a lot of books, seen a vast and eclectic array of films, and have quite an active and freakish imagination. None of these sources of words or the tiny grey cells in my bonce could provide me with what I wanted to say. I could only utter 2 words. Thank You.

I've written about the importance of those 2 words before, but never have they seemed so inadequate.

Someone needs to fix this. New words need to be created. Pronto!

All Mod Cons Goes Technical

2009-05-07T15:25:00.005+01:00

I really really love gadgets, even though I've got a serious knack for breaking anything that runs on batteries or electricity. I've got quite a history of breaking phones, computers definitely aren't my thing, and at some point or another every personal music player I've had has been dropped in paint. But that doesn't stop me ogling at the newest shiny object to hit the stores.

Just before my mobile contract ran out, a little over 4 months ago, I started doing a little research as to what handsets were available to me on O2 (my network provider). I've got a few absolute essentials that I require from a phone. Obviously it has to be able to make phone calls, send text messages, have a decent camera (because I don't have a proper one), have WiFi and be Quadband (otherwise I can't use it in other countries). Other than that, I'm pretty flexible. Oh, and because of my job, touch screen phones have generally been a bad idea. If I'm covered in paint, as often happens, then I don't want to have to touch a screen to pick up or make a call. So, buttons are good. Also means I can text seriously fast and don't have to look at what I'm typing.

Anyway, the only handset that I wanted wasn't available on my network and I didn't want to sign up for a stupidly long 18 month contract only to have a phone that I didn't really want. Good news was that O2 offer this thing called a Simplicity Tariff which is a month by month contract that I can cancel at any time, but if I want to get a handset that they offer then I can have it and retain all my loyalty bonuses (O2, if you read this, please not that I am currently bigging you up, which means you have to be EVEN NICER TO ME!!). So I've been waiting and waiting for something new to turn up. I refuse to get sucked into buying an iPhone, the camera is arse, doesn't offer video capture, can't send multimedia messages to another phone (unless you download some jiggery software) and doesn't have an integrated flash. Although, it does have a seriously smooth user interface, looks great, and does a whole bunch of other cool stuff that I don't really know about and don't really use.

But on the horizon, supposedly for the 1H2009, is Nokia's new flagship phone. The N97. Whilst having a touch screen, it also has a full QWERTY keyboard (so buttons a plenty!). It packs a serious amount of memory, has a 5mp camera (the same as my N95), WiFi, it's Quadband, oh and makes calls and sends texts. I also really like the Symbian software that Nokia uses (although it's not as swish as the iPhones). And really, the phone looks great. I am a little worried about its size, might be a little chunkier than I'd ideally like, but for such a top notch handset I'm willing to let it slide.

But all this waiting around is causing a few problems. I've had my N95 for a couple of years and the battery life wasn't great to start with. Now, it's bloody hopeless. I have to charge it twice a day, and I don't spend all day on it. It's also getting slower and slower and is looking seriously shabby. Not that that matters. Well, maybe a little. I'm also having "Gadget Buying" withdrawals. In a big BIG way. I mean, I haven't purchased myself anything lovely and shiny for...err...well, since I had to get myself a new laptop over a year ago. My iPod is also taking a bit of a battering. The battery life on that used to be magnificent but, probably because it gets used all day everyday, it's now down to about 8 hours which means I have to take a charger to work. Seriously, can't work without tunes! And as with all Apple products, you can't just pop it open and change the battery. No, you have to take it to the Apple store where they send it off to have a new one put in, which costs an absolute FORTUNE. Way more than it's worth. In fact, more than my current iPod is worth. So, at some point in the future I'm going to have to buy a new iPod. Which is a bad thing, because I've been hypnotised by the 32gb iPod Touch. Not only is it shiny, very shiny in fact, but it's got slightly more memory than my current iPod. The battery life is waaaaaaaaaaaay longer than anything else I've seen, it has the same swish software on it, you can connect to the net via WiFi and about a million other things because of all the applications that have been developed for it. In fact, the only things it can't do are take photos and call people. Which is what my phone is for.

So, I figured that if I get an iPod touch, I can dispense with the waiting for the N97 and choose a different handset. Because I'll then have a phone with a decent camera and an iPod that connects me to the web.

And seriously, much as I don't really like the whole copyright issues with Apple when you download a song, they've really got it right when it comes to style and speed. Just looking at the photo of the Touch, hell it's sexy! All smooth and yummy...although there is the issue of the price tag. Work isn't great at the moment and I can't afford to be throwing away £300. At least the phone, whatever choice I make, will be "free" from O2. Yeah yeah, I know I end up paying for it with my line rental, as does everyone, but that does effectively mean that I'm only paying for it bit by bit each month and not all up front like I would with the Touch. Credit Cards are so not an option, in the slightest.

I don't expect anyone to actually comment on this post, it's more about me going through the choices in my head. Wishful thinking in fact.

Anyone got a Touch? What do you think of it?

Fluffy Bunnies In Swimsuits Under The Silvery Moon

2009-05-05T18:47:00.005+01:00

You ever get those days when you feel you would have actually been more productive just staying in bed? Yeah, had one of those today. But I'm not going to whinge about it, for a change.

I actually just felt like writing something. No idea what. Even now. As always I'm just letting the fingers move and seeing what happens.

For those of you that have been reading for quite a while, you'll be fully aware of whom Terence is. Terence is my cactus. I got him as part of a list of things I wanted to do before I was 30, he was "Get a plant and keep it alive until my 30th birthday". I figured it would be beneficial to get something very low maintenance. A cactus fits that bill. Well, some time later (going to keep that ambiguous) he's still alive. Even though I managed to shut him in a window and crushed him. He's been on cactus steroids on and off since the accident and is now flourishing. He's even sprouting growths from his appendages.

On one of my old blogs I wrote about going to see Paul Weller in Berlin. The post included stuff about the gig (obviously) but also a lot of other bits and pieces. Since then I've managed to acquire a recording of the gig itself, which I've listened to over and over again for many reasons. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and I don't think that the original post did that gig any justice whatsoever. So one of my little tasks is to rewrite it and to try and put together a few sentences that might go somewhere close to being able to convey what the gig has come to mean to me. Might even do this the next time.

Talking of music, I picked up some random CD's in one of the local charity shops in the hope that I might discover something new and different. It worked. One of the CD's was by a Russian group called The Types and is called I Am So Good. So far as I know, nobody has heard of them and I happen to quite like it. The tracks, in my humble opinion, cover a range of styles, some of which sound like The Kinks and others are much heavier. Anyway, if you're looking to listen to something new give them a go. If you want a copy, drop me a line and I'll sort it out for you. But shh, don't tell anyone! Alternatively, you can give it a listen on last.fm via the box on my sidebar. It's in there somewhere.

Went and saw Wolverine at the weekend. Wasn't overly impressed. Even though I'm a HUGE fan of all things superhero & comic book, this flick just didn't do it for me. Go see it, just remember I didn't recommend it so it's not my fault if you don't like it. Also saw the latest trailer for the new Transformers movie. Again, wasn't impressed by that either. But how much can trailers really tell you? I mean, the trailers for the fairly recent StarWars films looked fantastic but the actual flicks themselves were staggeringly below par. And the trailer for Marley & Me was a sack of snail poo, but I actually quite enjoyed the film.

Oh, and I have now found 3 grey hairs. On my head. Like, as in growing out of my skull. Well, scalp, I don't think hair actually grows out of your skull. Anyway, not the point. The point is..err..bugger. Yeah, think that sums it up quite nicely. Bugger.

Tunes on the top of the hit list this week include:

Fa-Fa-Fa by Datarock (has been Song Of The Week before, and is a cracker)
Friday Night by The Types
Bad Candy by Twisted Wheel (absolutely shit live, but cracking studio CD)
I Believe To My Soul by The Animals
The Beginning Of The Twist by The Futureheads
How Does It Feel To Feel by The Creation
Barely Legal by The Strokes
A Rock 'n' Roll Fantasty by The Kinks
Bony Maronie by Larry Williams

However, Song Of The Week is Oranges and Rosewater by Paul Weller. The footage is taken from 2007 at the Amsterdam Paradiso. An outstanding tune and one you should definitely have in your music library.

Cockroaches And Swine Flu In London

2009-04-28T23:48:00.003+01:00

Times are tough. No real success with our advert for the room in our place. The market seems inundated with places and we've had 5 cancellations in a row. So as a household we decided to rewrite the advert, give it a little twist. After much chin wagging, I put finger to keyboard and with a little touch from the Viking, came up with this...

"We have a double room available in our semi-detached Victorian house in a quiet area of _________.

The room is currently immediately available due to recent redecoration and certain events beyond our control. Our previous housemate was viciously attacked by our house mouse and then spontaneously exploded, leaving behind a faint smell of tequila and smoking Nike trainers. We all thought the mouse had some kind of rabies, but after we caught the little blighter and sent it off to a swish London lab it turns out that it was actually swine flu.

Consequently we've had to have the place fumigated. Now that the dust has settled we've purchased a new house mouse but have been assured that it is entirely flu free and had not landed in Mexico in 1986 contrary to the recent background check we had done. Although he has been spotted talking, rather fluently, to the cockroaches whilst wearing an over sized sombrero.

He may be dealing with bugs okay, but he doesn't pay bills so we have to pay that on top of rent. Still, they are quite low since we tapped into the lamp post. The furniture in the room (bed, wardrobe, drawers) all cleaned up nicely so that stayed. The carpet is new. We just couldn't get the stains out of the old one.

We figured that the last one had a small but energetic aversion to men and would like to avoid any future potential mishaps by getting a female to move in. Although, if you're male and willing to take a chance, by all means give it a go.

Viewings available any evening, but please do not cancel at the last minute unless you are hanging by your ears from the hair of an elephants bottom whilst singing "God save the Queen" to Prince Philip."

Wonder if this brings any success?

All Mod Cons In New York

2009-04-27T15:39:00.021+01:00

I was supposed to be seeing Paul Weller play at the Nokia Theater in New Yorks Times Square last Friday. Unfortunately Paul's father became very ill and the gig was cancelled. The day before my flight John Weller passed away, my thoughts are with the Weller family during this awful time.

As a sign of respect I'll be keeping this post to mainly photos with a few notes here and there.

All Mod Cons in Central Park. On a rock. The wonders of modern technology (a timer on my phone camera) and a handily place rock, means photos of yourself are easily achieved.

I'd never been on a 747 before. As a boy I'd always dreamt of flying in one. It's probably quite an experience, although due to British Airways being one of the worst airlines in the world it turned out to be distinctly average. More on this another time.

The weather wasn't like British Airways, because it was absolutely fantastic. Hardly a cloud anywhere and a scorching 26 degrees.

The Empire State Building. No gorillas were present this time round.

Central Park.

John Lennon was shot here.

Down In The Tube Station At...err...midday.

The Statue Of Liberty from a long way away.

Brooklyn Bridge.

A proper Mustang. Absolutely stunning.

Broadway!

Times Square.

All Mod Cons with a New York Copper.

A Place For Paedophiles

2009-04-20T14:32:00.002+01:00

Occasionally there's a programme on television that I find incredibly fascinating. Such programmes, unfortunately, are seemingly rare on British TV. The teaser prior to airing had me hooked, invoking an air of morbid fascination that would cause me to have an overwhelming torrent of conflicting thoughts throughout, and after, the 45 minutes of airtime.

A Place For Paedophiles was a documentary about the hospital, and I use the term loosely, in Coalinga State in California which houses convicted sex offenders after they have served their prison time and that are deemed unsuitable for release into society. The inmates have to volunteer for a rehabilitation programme in the hope that one day they will be cured of their sexual deviancy issues and eventually released. Those that didn't volunteer are basically kept inside the hospital, seemingly until the day they die. The hospital has over 500 "patients", 70% of which have refused to participate in the rehabilitation programme, saying that the facility and the offer of treatment is just an excuse to keep them locked up indefinitely. Given that in the last 10 years only 13 people have been seen as fit for release it's not hard to see their point.

Presented by the articulate Louis Theroux, of whom I have great admiration for, especially the way in which he has previously tackled issues in other documentaries (most notably Louis And The Nazi's in which he interviewed the Gaede twins, known as Prussian Blue). It was plain to see how difficult he found maintaining an impartial journalistic view, given that he was privy to their files containing details of their offences.

This well constructed documentary, fronted by Louis, raised several questions and issues to me. Firstly, even though the crimes committed by these people are utterly abominable, they have in fact served their time in prison. They were tried and convicted by their peers, and given sentences, which they all served. After this they have been put into further incarceration, and given little hope of release. Which, to me, makes a bit of a mockery of the justice system. Especially as prison is supposed to rehabilitate offenders. Are we saying that there is no hope of getting these people integrated back into society? In which case, why bother with prison in the first place. Why not just put them straight into Coalinga? Not that I think you can cure sexual offenders anyway. If someones sexual orientation is towards children, then it's part of their make up. It's not something that can just be turned off after a series of counselling sessions. We've stopped trying to cure homosexuality. Well, most of the civilised societies have anyway. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that paedophilia is right in anyway whatsoever. I'm just not sure what the right approach is.

One patient seemed fairly genuine when it came to his treatment. He'd volunteered for chemical, then proper castration. I don't know how much of an effect this has on a man and his sexual desires, but most people I've spoken to seem fairly convinced as to it being one step towards a successful solution. This patient had been ordered by a judge for release. However, that was a year ago and he's still in Coalinga because the authorities can't find him somewhere to live. As far as I'm aware, communities within a certain radius of the specific house have to be informed prior to a sexual offender moving in. If there are objections, then they can't live there. Apparently, finding accommodation is one of the hardest things to do. Hardly surprising really.

Although this particular patient appeared genuine, I couldn't help but feel wary. So often you hear of paedophiles grooming their victims, often sexual offenders are incredibly charming, intelligent and above all persuasive individuals. Who is to say that they aren't using their techniques on adults, trying to bend the system for their own needs. I guess that's just down to a natural state of suspicion when it comes to dealing with people that have committed such crimes. But that in turn brings up another issue. Do we, as a society, have it in us to give these people a second chance? After prison, after being in a place like Coalinga for year upon year and receiving treatment, will the rest of us ever be able to trust them if they are released? I'm very doubtful.

So what's the solution? I think it depends on what angle you use to look at the problem. Starting at the top, the death penalty. If you've ever suffered at the hands of sexual predator, or if your son or daughter has, or if the victim has been someone very close to you, then the need for justice or vengeance can be so great that all you can think of is to have the offender removed from the very surface of the planet. How can anyone that has raped and abused over 50 children from the ages of 7 to 12 be allowed to have any place on Gods earth? After such atrocities against human beings that are too young to defend themselves, either physically or mentally, what possible reason is there for letting them live? And why should tax payers fork out to keep them at a cost of over $200,000 a year? Surely the death penalty would resolve this. It's cheap, quick and leaves no opportunity afterwards for them reoffend. But who are we, either as individuals or as a society, to decide who lives and who dies. Is killing another human being the answer?

Somewhere like Coalinga has been created because the powers that be have decided that there is no place for these people in society after serving a prison sentence. So can we conclude that prison itself doesn't work as either a deterrent or as a form of rehabilitation? Judging by the number of people that are released from prison that reoffend, not just when it comes to crimes of a sexual nature but otherwise, then I would have to say no. Prison doesn't work. So why not bypass the political bullshit that surrounds a place like Coalinga and just come out and say "Look, we have no answers so we're just going to lock these people up for their entire lives"? Do we have a right to do that to other human beings?

Do they have a right to permanently destroy a childs innocence?

2 wrongs do not make a right. Right? Or maybe it's the lesser of 2 evils we should be leaning towards.

And That's Blogwang!

2009-04-14T22:20:00.004+01:00

And here's the 9th round, I'll start first right after your turn because that's Blogwang!

Here's the bonus Wangerblog, let's flip the font and change countries!

Scantily clad! Let's play with Giraffes because that's Blogwang!

(If you haven't seen this before, you've been living in a shoe. Shame on you! Aren't you glad I'm here to bring such vital information to your attention?)

D.I.Y. In Pictures

2009-04-12T12:30:00.012+01:00

We've had a few changes going on in the house recently. The German that moved in had to leave after only a month because he was made redundant (unfortunately like so many people at the moment) and as the rental market has gone nuts I've been given permission to make a few changes to the place to generate some interest. The downstairs bedroom was a bit of a mess with damp patches, blistered and peeling wallpaper and the chimney breast was just plain awful. The wallpaper had been wrapped around the corners really badly which left a twisted and deformed edge on both sides and there were bumps and lumps everywhere. Unfortunately I forgot to take a photo of that before I started weaving some All Mod Cons Magic about the place.

Anyway, I started trying to do the minimum amount of work possible because it is, after all, just a rental property and as I don't own it I'm not too fussed about doing an A grade job (and I don't exactly get a "commercial" rate of pay from my landlord to justify spending ages on anything). Out came the Stanley knife and I set about removing as many of the blisters as possible, including the edges of the chimney breast and the inside corners of the alcoves.

The rawl plugs got pulled out, but as the plaster was blown, I was left with rather nice deep holes in the walls. All the lose wallpaper was cut off (there wasn't a decent enough wall to stick it back to) and all the damp paper was removed.

The twisted paper in the corners got cut out, only for the plaster to fall out too leaving thin but bottomless cracks.

I then got a little carried away with the cutting and scraping...after a while I ended up totally removing all the paper on the chimney breast and down its sides leaving me with a significantly increased workload. But sometimes I just can't resist picking at just one more bit of lose wallpaper.

After much use of PVA, about 2kg of filler, a Bosh sander, 10kg of elbow grease, dust, sneezes and occasional swearing, I ended up with this (see below). A significantly harder and flatter surface. Then I gave it a couple of base coats with a light colour which showed up a few more smaller holes that I'd missed, so a little more filling and sanding...

It then got painted once in the wall colour top coat at the same time as the rest of the room was done.

And finally I painted it twice in a slightly different colour, from the same palette of Farrow & Ball colours.

All the woodwork was filled and sanded (before the final top coat on the walls) then painted in a white oil based eggshell (smells a bit, but when it dries properly is much more durable than a water based paint).

New carpet was also put in. Previously it was black. Not through dirt, but actually black. I've no idea who puts black carpet anywhere in a house but it's bloody awful and up until recently was in 4 rooms (3 of them bedrooms). Only my room and the living room are left. The carpet was purchased from Carpet Right, for a very reasonable price, and fitted (by fitters who were shite...another long story...although the carpet does look good down).

Then the furniture was put back in, although we really do need to change those drawers. That'll be done this week sometime I should imagine. I think it's turned out alright. I considered moving into it from my current room because it's a lot bigger than mine. But it's also more expensive, and times being what they are, I can't afford a rent increase. I'll just have to wait until I get around to doing my room again. Although there's not much you can do to what effectively rates as a shoebox.

Hmm...and that orange lampshades needs to go too. And I need to take a little off the bottom of the door now that there's carpet with underlay. Never ends this home improvement lark!

So, who wants to move in?

I Am Dumberer

2009-04-02T12:11:00.004+01:00

Yesterday I had 2 wisdom teeth removed. One was growing at almost 45 degrees to my jaw line and, whilst it hadn't ever hurt or been an issue, the dentist said that there was a wee gap between that one and the next and it could become a much bigger issue quite quickly.

I'd already had one wisdom tooth out before, with just a local anaesthetic and that went with no hitches at all. Apart from me seeing the rather intricate and shiny tool of Tooth Death before the dentisht shoved it into my gaping gob. A mistake I'll never repeat. Even though I couldn't feel anything, the sound of tearing gums was enough to ensure that I never wanted to go through it again. It was worse than when I had 4 teeth taken out before my brace was put in, many many years ago.

I wanted to be right out of it this time, figuring that I wouldn't have to hear anything or be given the chance of seeing any medieval tools of nastiness. Instead I was given this IV drip thingy. I was told I would be in a "happy place" throughout the procedure. In fact I was in such a happy place that I have very little recollection of any events from yesterday.

Today, however, is completely different. I know exactly what is going on. And I am rather painfully aware of the fact that I look like I've got a small child hidden in my right cheek. The small child also appears to be using a 60lb sledge hammer on my face to get my attention. And my stomach is constantly telling me that no matter what soup I have, it's still soup and that I should in fact be eating solids. Chance would be a fine thing. I sit here dreaming of all kinds of wonderful food that I want. Like really crusty bread with lots of butter, or sumptuous meat pie with crunchy vegetables and gravy, or even a bar of milk chocolate.

I'm lucky if I can open my mouth enough to get a spoon in there, let alone have anything on it. Chewing? Yeah, right.

What irks me most is that I went to the dentisht with nothing wrong with me, and I've come away feeling pigging awful. Surely it's supposed to be the other way round right?

On a different note...anyone a member of Lastfm? If not, join it. Bloody brilliant it is. I was introduced to it a while ago but after serious computer issues, I stopped using it. Never again. It's excellent. There's another similar site...can't remember the name of it now, but my housemate uses it.

It's really simple to use, easy to get started, and really opens your eyes to a whole host of new music. And you're able to get to know other people that have similar tastes in tunes too. AND there's a widget wotsit that you can put on your blog...which I've done. Those eagle eyed of you will notice it just to the right. Press play on it and you get to listen to some of the tracks that are being built up in my library. If you're a part of it, look me up!

Masked Menace Terrorises England

2009-03-29T21:01:00.006+01:00

So here's what I was doing at the weekend. Anyone want to take a guess what kept me occupied Saturday and Sunday?

I've also noticed a new tab on the blogger dashboard about signing up to some advert thingy. Apparently I can earn money by having adverts on my blog. Has anyone else signed up to this thing? Are you making any money at all from it? I actually think that having a slightly less cluttered blog is a good thing. You're more drawn to the actual content than some flashing banner wotsit, although that might be a blessing considering some of the content on here at times! Also, less gubbins means the page loads faster, which is definitely a good thing in my book. So...to advert or not to advert, that is the question. Makes you thinkful eh...which is a new word I've just heard. And it sounds good in my head, so I may well use it again.

Anyway, not wanting to wish my life away but I'm off on yet another little adventure in about 3 weeks time. Whilst being very excited, I'm also a tiny bit apprehensive considering my track record with recent excursions. Fingers crossed on that one. As for what it is, you'll just have to wait and see. Don't you just love surprises!

A Bit Of The Old Random

2009-03-23T15:54:00.003Z

Every now and again I wander from the normal path (I am nothing but a creature of habit, right up until I get bored anyway). The other day I was browsing THIS blog, which is great, when I started surfing through a few of his links.

I happened upon THIS blog. The latest post is very funny. I really do love hearing about foreigners in the UK, especially when it's as well written as this. Seriously, go check it out.

Loads of other stuff is going on too. Mainly work. Not that I'm complaining. I'll actually have an extra dose of work if there's any going.

Talking of work, just finished a room for a couple I have known for quite a while. Turns out that the woman is a bloody nightmare. Over the years a pattern has developed, which only now I've been able to see. It kind of works like this...and I'll do it in steps...

1. Successful Man meets successful Woman.
2. Woman gets pregnant & has sprog.
3. Woman leaves high pressure job (PR, Recruitment etc etc) to look after said sprog.
4. Fed up with talking "goo goo ga ga" 24/7, Woman decides the residence needs sprucing up.
5. Decorator arrives.
6. Woman then proceeds to try and recreate the high pressure environment she was in by pissing the decorator off no end using a plethora of unnecessarily long words, none of which are applicable to the job anyway and getting her arse confused with her elbow.

I'm used to dealing with morons, so I try and explain everything I possibly can about a job. But there's just no way of dealing with complete and utter stupidity when it's bolted onto a shrill and condescending voice with a sprinkling of Arse Bandit Attitude.

I just refuse to work for stay at home mothers that had big deal jobs in their previous lives. It's what you used to do. Not what you do now. Which is clean up shit that sticks like Velcro and feed the ever gaping face that is a baby. You really do not need to speak to me like I'm the damn post boy in a shiny glass and metal office.

I'm going to leave you with a new Song Of The Week by a band called Elastica. Their debut album was released back in early 1995 and featured this track, Car Song. Britpop was in full swing at this point, carrying a torch for guitars and British references, and this song holds fantastic memories for me. Give it a listen, let me know what you think if you haven't heard it before. If you heard it the first time around, does it invoke any memories for you?

A Request!

2009-03-17T17:47:00.003Z

I've been having a think about the content of my blog, where I want to go with it, and why I even write anything on here. When I started my original blog, coming up to 3 years ago, it all started off because I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Then I really got into it and just enjoyed the whole process of writing, the energy I got from putting down my ideas, experiences and thoughts (the few that I have). I really didn't care if anyone read it or not, it was all only ever for me. Then, after a while, I started to get a few readers (which even now freaks me out that people actually want to read any of what I put on here) and some comments.

I look back now and realise that my writing style changed, the content got a little lost and in hindsight it's easy for me to see that I had started to try and write for the people that were reading instead of just doing it for myself. Then I took my "Christmas Break" this year and I've found it hard to come back to. Well, I've had a brainwave. And a slight attitude change. I made the decision to go back to what I was originally doing and write it all for me. Go with whatever ideas and subjects that I want to, and not try to make it something that it's not.

I now feel a lot more relaxed about what I'm putting down. If I get responses, then that's great. If I don't, I can still look back on it and say "Yes, I remember feeling/thinking this and that back then" and that's a good thing, right?

I actually got excited about writing again. Something that I've sorely missed over the last year or so. Consequently I've begun thinking about blogging when I'm at work, or just out and about. Coming up with random ideas about what I might like to write about. Mainly, they're all to do with music in some form or another.

Weller once said about the recent 22 Dreams album "It's like a musical journey". And that makes so much sense to me. Everything I've ever done, all the people I've ever met, all the places I've ever been to have had songs attached to them. Years later I can look back at a whole host of memories through my ears. And I don't think I'm alone. Not in the slightest.

Which brings me to the next point...where I'm going with my content. On my last blog I did a quiz thing every month, which was really good (at least I thought so). I liked the interactivity of it, and I'd quite like to have something similar going on here. But I thought I would like to go the way of Interviews. With normal everyday people. If there is actually such a thing. And if you are, what the hell are you doing here!? Anyway...this brings me onto a "Help Request". I need people to interview. Ideally interviews would be done face to face, although if that's not possible then I'm sure something else could be figured out. The interviews would be about your tastes, thoughts, and passions of whatever music you like. Any recommendations, likes, dislikes, or stories you want to share. And of course, it would all be kept anonymous.

I've thrown the idea out to a couple of other places, and the response hasn't been great I must admit. Quite surprising considering the people that I've asked. Maybe here will throw up a few more results. I guess it needs to be done by people that have no problems being talkative...I think I'll rope in Viking, not that he knows it yet.

So, that's one idea I've had. There are more that require less input from other people and only marginally more from me. Maybe I'll go with those in the meantime.

And I've written this over a period of several hours in between doing my washing, eating, playing Playstation and putting new songs on my iPod so I've no idea if it reads well or even if it makes any sense whatsoever. A decent writer would go back and read it through...but the iPlayer is calling my name...must watch the latest episode of Heroes...must watch....

Snow Joke!

2009-02-02T15:29:00.008Z

Fun Fun Fun!!

Parmesan Cheese And Smarties!

2009-02-01T09:05:00.005Z

The way people, including myself, start blog posts has always fascinated me. I think the most common openings that kick off the flurry of words are "Well", "So", "Ok", or "Right". Not sure why this is, and it certainly has nothing to do with this post, but it's just a general observation. It's also something that I'm trying really hard to avoid. Sometimes I find it quite hard to come up with any sort of opening to what I want to write. I was told by my excellent English teacher at school that if you're writing a story or an article that the opening line or paragraph is of the utmost importance. You've got to really hook in the reader, give them something to keep them interested and a reason to keep on reading. Sometimes the start is the hardest place begin.

Now that I've got that off my chest it's time for a brief summary of January. Having also mentioned about hooking readers into the rest of the post in order to maintain interest, I feel that I've failed already. Instead I am going to have a post that is heavily laden with videos and photos. Think less "Intelligent Prose" and more "Kids Picture Book".

See? Yes, it's going to be around about that sort of level...

Earlier last month I went to Germany again, this time to visit Ze German and see the much awaited Oasis gig in Dusseldorf. Ze German's other half, M, very kindly got the 3 of us some tickets to go and see the local hockey team on one of the days. Not only was this my first ever live game, but it was also the local derby between Dusseldorf vs Cologne. M also managed to get us some AAA passes for a while and just before the game we took a little wander around and ended up around where the players came out of the changing rooms and onto the ice.

And here's a little video of the blokes whizzing around on the ice hitting some little black circular thingy around...one of which ended up in my hands via the ever resourceful M! Cracking souvenir.

The game was fantastic, even if I didn't understand any of the rules and was a little bemused to see players leaving the rink (correct terminology?!) enmasse during play. Dusseldorf were 3-1 up when Cologne took off their keeper and put on an extra player with only seconds remaining. Figured it would be a good time to get the video going on my phone, with no keeper they were bound to concede another goal right? Watch the player breaking down the right...

Goooooooaaaaaal!

There were a few fights too! And they really go for it. The game is fast, hugely entertaining and excellent fun to watch. The players also put footballers to shame, even after brawling they just carry on with the game, albeit after sitting in the sin bin for a few minutes. It's helped me come to the conclusion that football is shite, footballers are utter nancy boys and hockey is definitely the way forward. I'd like to thank Ze German and M for arranging things and for putting me up for the few days that I was in Germany, much appreciated.

Unfortunately the gig was cancelled just a few hours before the doors were due to open. Which was a significant bummer. Not only for the fact that I really wanted to see Oasis, but also because I was due to write a proper review...which could have had a serious importance attached to it (on this note, I am due to go to another gig on the 11th and write a review on that one...fingers MASSIVELY crossed for the end result...more will be revealed nearer the time and I may just be asking for everyones help...). The Oasis gig has been postponed until Wednesday, but I'm unable to go back for it....watch this space as for the reason why! All cloak and dagger at the moment eh!

Some of you may have read elsewhere that I've got some new housemates. January saw the end of the couple that lived here...and they fucked off without paying all their bills...although I've now got all my money back from them, but not before a rather large amount of unnecessary hassle. Fuckers. And the lovely lovely Frenchie left to move in with her boyfriend, The Admiral. Seriously gutted about her moving on. However, The Viking and his Missus have moved in instead of having to commute a million hours a day. Couldn't believe it when the Missus actually went along with the idea! Playstation has been kept to a minimum and I've got 2 people in the house that I know I can trust. All is good.

Last Friday Frenchie, The Admiral, Viking, Missus, Czech Boy and I all went out for a meal to the little Italian place up the road. And I've not had such a laugh for a long long time. I even managed a glass and a half of wine, which gave me an excellent opportunity to watch everyone else around me getting hammered. We had a fantastic waiter and the place was pretty empty, giving us ample chance to be loud and make with the merries. I ended up having Parmesan Cheese and Smarties on a spoon for dessert...the video of which is below. Unfortunately, Vikings memory ran out on the phone, missing out the part where we got the waiter to try it too.

Yummy huh!

Whilst on the subject of videos...here's one from NYE...If you look to the left you'll see All Mod Cons little brother. They're all doing this drinking race with bottles of some orange stuff with Vodka in, using the straws to let in more air...meaning you have to drink it faster...oh the things the Youth get up to. And no, I remained on red wine the entire evening. Apart from the red that my brother spiked with the homemade punch in. How he thought I wouldn't notice is beyond me. But I drank it anyway.

Well...I'm off. The Viking is hogging the Playstation and I want a go before I go to bed. The Dentist awaits tomorrow morning...oh joy of joys. Later!

Nada, Nowt And Some Fuck All

2009-01-27T23:35:00.002Z

No words right now. Too much on my mind, and January has been too hectic to even begin to write down at the moment.

Instead I'll leave this brief and rather uninformative post with a photo. One of my housemates was out this evening, bumped into Weller and got him to sign this for me. Cheers Czech Boy, you're a star.

The Morning After The Night Before

2009-01-03T14:39:00.002Z

A different approach for 2009, at least to start with...

Here Endith 2008

2008-12-23T19:24:00.002Z

This is a record equalling post. Over the last 3 Decembers I've managed no more than 2 posts for those months. I really loathe this time of year and generally speaking my communication levels drop through the floor. I dare say this will be the last post of 2008 and it's going to be brief. I'll more than likely be back to normal levels of erratic blogging come January. Expect more gigs, some trips (2 of which are already booked!!), rants, ponderings and other such stuff.

In the meantime, I'm going to leave you with a video to see in the new year with. I can't even begin to say how much I love this song, and if you don't like it, then quite frankly you do not belong on here. Originally written by Weller when he fronted The Jam, this is him singing English Rose on Jools Holland.

Enjoy.

Ham Shank Me A Fist

2008-12-09T21:31:00.003Z

Not the intended post. Have had "technology" issues. Managed to contract an STI (Stupid Technology Infection) which completely killed my browser. I then had to move ALL of my valuable files onto an external hard drive (which took ages due to all the music), then reload Vista and all of the software. I then had to go through all the updates from Microshaftyouallthetime. Half way through downloading the necessaries the broadband decided to up and fuck off, leaving my laptop in limbo with sod all working. By this point it was 1.30am and I gave up and went to bed.

The next night I spent AGES on the phone to Virgin Media. We recently changed from Orange because they were utter shite (I've never known such bad customer service). Virgin Media on the other hand were completely brilliant. The woman on the other end of the line was patient, had all the right answers, and most importantly talked me through getting back online. Top marks to Virgin Media.

I've now managed to reload all the missing updates, and I'm back. Minus all photos and music for 1 more night. Normal service will be resumed shortly.

However, in the meantime, does anyone know where I can get a copy of winrar that won't cost me owt and won't bludgeon my laptop in the arse with a large virtual rubber dong?

Also...saw this HERE and as I don't think I've done one of these on this blog, and it's music orientated, I thought I'd give it a bash.

If your life were a soundtrack, what would the music be?
1. Open your library (iTunes, winamp, media player, Zen, iPod)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the name of whatever song comes up

Feel free to either post your own, or leave your answers in the comments below!

Opening Credits - Sweet Amber by Metallica

Waking Up - Ride A White Horse by Goldfrapp

First Day At School - We're Not Supposed To by Supergrass

Falling In Love - Marriage of Figaro (Act 2) by Mozart

Breaking Up - Dune Buggy by The Presidents Of The United States Of America

Prom or Similar - Listen To Me by Buddy Holly

Life's Ok - November Has Come by Gorillaz

Mental Breakdown - Sleep Now In The Fire by Rage Against The Machine

Driving - Since I First Met You from the Pulp Fiction Soundtrack

Flashback - 100 Years by Dr Dog

Getting Back Together - A Change by Sheryl Crow

Wedding - Let It Grow by Eric Clapton

Birth Of Child - Where Are My Panties? by Andre 3000

Final Battle - Blow Ya Mind (Yomanda Remix) by Load N Load

Death Scene - Married With Children by Oasis

Funeral Song - Disco Science by Mirwais

End Credits - All You Deliver by Jose Gonzalez

Wow...and there was no rigging of this either! Way too many of them are fairly apt in my opinion. Particularly like the School, Breakdown, and Birth Of Child ones. And no Weller...hmmm...

Paul Weller And Friends In Brixton

2008-11-28T17:33:00.025Z

Ok, so who has missed me then? Excuse the absence of anything blogwise recently, I've actually been busy for a change. Much to write about, including a visit from Beth from Books Etc! However, for my return it's the last 2 Paul Weller gigs of the year for All Mod Cons, both at the Brixton Academy in London.

I'm going to try and roll both nights into one post, so bear with me as things might get a little jumbled.

A little over a month ago I had a really nice email from a reader in the US saying that they were coming over to London to see Weller and would I mind giving her the lowdown about the area and about the general UK "way" of gigs. Needless to say, I was more than happy to do so and said that she was more than welcome to hang out with the Viking, Chickenfoot and myself whilst she was here*.

Waiting for the others I bumped into the young emailer in the queue, who shall now be known as TM, and I found out that she was only here for 3 days so that she could see 2 gigs! Now that's what I call dedication. And, as I've found with pretty much everyone at a Weller gig, she was a bloody lovely person.

All Mod Cons, TM, and The Viking (who looks like he's about to sneeze)

All Mod Cons, Chickenfoot, and The Viking (looking normal this time)

As usual, when I have standing tickets, I arrived fairly early so that I could get as close to the front as possible. Much as Weller tends to play smaller venues, there's just something extra when you're up against the barrier with nobody between you and the performance.

Before Weller arrived on stage, we were faced with the "warm-up" acts. Tuesday nights The Hosts were not my thing. Whilst the lead singer had a fairly good voice, the songs left me feeling flat and disinterested. And when he tried to crack a joke about it being a band members birthday and asked us all to sing Happy Birthday, things got worse. And judging by the reaction from the crowd, the request went down like a sack of the proverbial. Wednesday night however we had Little Barrie as a warm up, the lead singer having also been a guest guitarist at the recent BBC Sessions recording. I thought they were excellent, so much so I went out and purchased their album (which is good, although I prefer their live stuff).

With all 4 of us right at the front, and TM and I on the final night in the same places (does that even make sense?!), we were treated to 2 quite incredible gigs. As soon as Weller appeared on stage the crowd went nuts, everyone was really up for it. Including Weller himself. I've not seen him on stage as relaxed and so full of attitude, really feeding off the live-wire audience. The amount of energy pouring from him you would never have guessed he was finishing such an extensive tour that took in Europe, Australia, Japan, America, Canada and even South America.

Both nights had everything. Songs from The Jam, The Style Council, his solo career and even some Beatles numbers. Tuesday night was particularly good for me as he played Out Of The Sinking, Changingman, Wild Blue Yonder and All I Wanna Do (Is Be With You), which are 4 of my favorite live songs, within the first 6 of the evening. Before we were even a quarter of the way through the set I had almost lost my voice. By the end of the night I sounded like I had been eating chalk for a week. Would I have it any other way? Not on your life.

I also had a souvenir bonanza from both nights. I managed to bag myself setlists and 2 plectrums, both Wellers. Normally you have to battle with people at the end of the gig to get what you can, but Brixton served up a surprise in the shape of a security guy on the other side of the barrier. Weller had just played Push It Along, and with a sweep of his hand across the guitar strings, he threw the plectrum high in the air. It landed on the edge of the stage, feet away from me. Knowing which song had been played with the shiny piece of plastic meant I just had to have it. I managed to get the attention of the security guy, who I'm going to call Dave, and he slyly picked it up for me before the next song started. Kudos was his to revel in, glory was mine. Dave immediately became the most popular orange coat wearing man in the building, the entire front line trying to get him to pick up memorabilia for them. Instead, he calmly stood back and posed for a photo for us. Top lad!

Security Man Dave

All Mod Cons smug look. I own the plectrum. 'Ave It.

Wednesday night was almost an exact repeat. Only it was a different song. Dave was again on hand to provide the mobile arm in grabbing me the plectrum used to play Changingman. I think he just liked reveling in his new found popularity, can't say that I blame him. And I certainly wasn't complaining. I even managed to get Dave to grab a 2nd Wednesday night plectrum, again of Wellers, for the lovely TM. I couldn't have her come all the way from the US and go home without a decent souvenir. That's just not cricket.

The Wednesday night even threw up an unexpected guest appearance from Carleen Anderson, who had previously provided backing vocals for Wellers Stanley Road and Heavy Soul albums, providing more vocals for People Get Ready and Come Together (which was so outstanding, I'm not even going to try and find the words to explain it). Her voice is absolutely fantastic and really provides another dimension.

The only dampener was the montage of images from Vietnam and 9/11 that is projected on the screen during Whirlpools End. Does it shock and hit the desired target? More than likely. But it also brings the crowd down a few notches. So much so that I didn't look at it the 2nd night, and found something a little kinder on the eye to look at. Fortunately Weller's encores were so good, we all left with huge smiles on our faces.

This year I've amassed 14 Paul Weller performances, each one has been special in its own way. I've met some excellent people from all over the world and everyone has played a part in making each gig unique. Brixton was something different altogether. Not only were the brilliant people from PWBF there (although I didn't get to see them for too long this time unfortunately), but I had 2 of my closest friends there, I had fantastic company for the 2nd night, the venue was top drawer, the crowd were on form and Weller gave a performance that will survive as one of my all time favorites.

I would like to say a special thanks to all those at PWBF, for a great many things. Especially Sakura and Woodcutter, you're both great.

I've now got an extensive break from Weller gigs. He's taking a break thank god, I can't afford anymore! Although I'm very much looking forward to seeing Oasis in January. Plectrums and setlists from there? I doubt it. But I'll have a damn good sing-along!

All Mod Cons "Wella Brella"...thanks to TopMod for this!

Tuesday nights setlist, plectrum and ticket!

Wednesday nights setlist, plectrum and ticket!

Motley Crew

As a side note...all of the photos on here were edited in some way by All Mod Cons and are the property of All Mod Cons. If you want to use them, please do so but ask first. Or at least drop a link in to here as a nod. Cheers!

Please also take a look at the new Song Of The Week...Little Barrie and Pay To Join. Feel free to let me know your thoughts!

*You can't have Americans wandering around the city on their own, you never know what might happen (joke!).

The Mystery Of The Missing Words

2008-11-17T23:02:00.002Z

I was coming home from work the other night, rain bouncing off the tarmac in front of me as I pulled up to a set of traffic lights on Little Steed. I balanced the bike nicely, not having to put my feet down as I waited for the lights to change to green. The man on the rather expensive looking road bike had been following behind me for a few streets, not managing to overtake me because I was able to take the rather more rugged route through the London traffic, jumping off curbs to avoid the lake sized puddles that had formed because our sewer system can't take anymore than 8 litres of water. Which is beyond stupid when you consider how much it rains in this sodden country.

The lights turned green, and because I've got a sprightly gear ratio, I shot off up over the bridge. Coming down the other side of the crest of the bridge, the flash racer man belted past me at a rate of knots. As he went past he looked over his shoulder at me and shouted "Nice *mumble mumble* back there mate". I couldn't make out the whole sentence because my earphones were funneling the sweet liquid of The Jam and English Rose into my brain. Flash cycling man had sounded genuine in what he said...there was no trace of sarcasm or anger in his voice. As I carried on down the road I tried to imagine what those missing words were. Could he have been referring to my wet weather control of Little Steed? Or the poise that was evident at the lights? Was it really sarcastic, only said in an utter dead pan way, and he was highlighting my blatant disregard for public safety by hopping the curb to avoid the otherwise inevitable watery deluge? Or could he have been referring to the striking wet line of water and grease that was splattered up my jeans and over my back in a perfect line with the back wheel?

Or was he simply pointing out that there was some nice roadkill back there and that as I looked like a damp hillbilly he thought that I may have been interested in knowing in case I wanted it for dinner later on.

I doubt I'll ever know.

Because of this line of thought, I can't remember any of the rest of my journey home. It's a wonder that I made it back at all really.

If this had happened to you, what words would you have used to fill in the missing ones?

All Mod Cons National TV Debut

2008-11-15T12:48:00.002Z

Sounds rather grand doesn't it? Well...it wasn't. The BBC Sessions was broadcast last night (and will probably be available on the BBC iPlayer for those of you in the UK) and I appeared in the middle of the screen for about 0.429 of a second during Eaton Rifles. To be honest I was fairly happy that I wasn't shown more, I really hate being on camera. Although, a small appearance was most satisfying. Sakura was front and centre, and appeared more than once, shaking her booty!

Can't wait to get a copy of the gig on DVD, it was great reliving the evening. I'm also hoping that some kind soul puts the version of Wild Wood on YouTube as it is utterly outstanding, and I'd love to post it up for all to see.

I also made my return to XFM this week and managed to get 4 of the 5 questions right on the Random Question Generator segment of Rick Shaw's show. The question I got wrong...Do Reindeer's like bananas? Apparently they do. We live and learn right. I also learnt that Tom Selleck was the original choice to play Indiana Jones ahead of Harrison Ford. As Rick said, Indiana with a tash just doesn't fit. We also swapped stories of the famous people we met. Obviously I told him of meeting Weller, whilst he met Paul McCartney. I win. Just.

In just over a week I'm off to Brixton for the last 2 nights of Weller's tour which will bring this years gigfest to a close. Plans for gigs next year are already underway. As I posted before, I'm off to Germany to see Oasis in January and there's a potential visit to see Weller in April. I'm not going to give anymore details on this one because it's stupid far away, both in time and in location and I'm not sure that my finances will allow such extravagance. But you never know, I may win the lottery in the meantime. I could also find the Moon in my jacket pocket. Chances of either happening are fairly similar.

I'm also trying to broaden my musical horizons. Ciaran has sent me a list of some hipperty hopperty tracks to listen to and thinks that there may well be something in the list that I'll like. I'm keeping an open mind....

Another "Stat" update. I'm amazed at some of the search terms that lead people over here.

1. My Wet Knickers Pictures
2. Hairy Assed White Women - This is just gross. No matter what way you look at it.
3. White Wet Nickers You Tube - Spell it properly and you may have more success...
4. How To Kiss A Hairy Woman All Over - Wrong wrong wrong wrong WRONG!!!
5. Drunk Wet My Knickers - Begs the question, why did you give your underwear to a drunk in the first place?

To all these people, try adjusting your search term. Replace the word "knickers" with "panties". Knickers is more used in the UK, and the grand old US of A is where the majority of porn comes from. Panties is much more widely used over there. Just trying to help you weirdo losers out!

Racist Content - Be Warned

2008-11-09T21:47:00.002Z

One of my more eye catching titles don't you think? I've wanted to do a post about this for some time, only I've never really known how to approach it. I think things like racism and religion are very hard subjects to address at the best of times. I could give my religious views, but because there are so many varieties of what people believe in, I would inevitably say something that another person wouldn't agree with. And I'm all about not making enemies.

Anyway here goes.

I have a Yahoo! email account and when you go onto their homepage there's this little box in the middle containing the most recent headlines for your choice of current affairs, entertainment and sport. Obviously top of my list is the sport section. Today I saw THIS story about former Formula 1 World Champion Fernando Alonso being gracious to the new Champion, Lewis Hamilton (congrats Lewis by the way, BBC Sports Personality of the Year wrapped up then). Now with the Yahoo! Eurosport stories you are able to leave comments at the bottom, which I think is a great idea as it lets people have an intelligent debate about whatever has happened. Unfortunately it seems that there aren't that many intelligent people out there, who are now free to express their rather childish, moronic, closet minded attitudes and subject the rest of us to it. Bearing in mind this is about 2 guys being polite to each other, I find it incredibly ironic that someone can leave a comment like this....

"Don't get taken in by Monkey tricks!!! Monkey Blood & all Indians come from the same family tree line!!! They talk smoothly but within them lies different intentions & motives!!! Ask any Japanese who have done business with Indians with Monkey Blood & they tell you how they got cheated every time by these DEVILS with Monkey Blood!!! Do not be deceived by Monkey Blood's words for it's as cunning as it's Indian counterparts!!! If you see an Indian & a poisonous Cobra, kill the Indian because the Indian is more dangerous than the Cobra!!! It's a fact!!!"

What else really surprised me about this is that it was only the 4th comment left about the article. No banter even leads up to it, it's just smack, right there in your face.

You can also give each comment a "Thumbs Up" or a "Thumbs Down". Needless to say I gave it a Thumbs Down, and it got reported as abuse. I think it's disgusting that there are people out there that a) believe this shit and b) are allowed to express their view to so many people. I was told a reason as to why these comments can't all be moderated, but I can't remember it. But I think it's a shame that they aren't all checked. The concept of being able to leave comments on news articles is brilliant, there's great potential for a decent debate and to be able to leave your constructive view. It's just a shame there are people out there that are abusing it in this way.

The fact that there were also 8 Thumbs Up's on that comment was a little disturbing. However, there's a flip side to that. Several people after this comment expressed their disgust at it too and also reported it as abuse. There were also 88 Thumbs Down's. Yeah, 10% agreed. But, I bet that's a lot less than there would have been 30, or 20, or even 10 years ago. I find that reassuring. That at least we're going in the right direction.

Hot News Just In

2008-11-08T18:18:00.003Z

I'm off to see Ze German sisters in January in Dusseldorf. Excellent!

Oh, and we'll be seeing Oasis. Ave it! *insert bow legged monkey man walk here whilst sticking out chin with attitude*

Expect a full run down of the trip after the 19th of January 2009!

And now to show exactly what Noel Gallagher can achieve when he puts his mind to it (not that I'm still rather miffed as to the general blandness of the new album) here's a video of him singing The Masterplan on MTV Unplugged. Outstanding.

Cough Me A Mixture

2008-11-07T20:08:00.004Z

I've found my Mojo, but he's currently being rather uncooperative. The bastard. I think he's just disappointed with the new Oasis album and is sulking. The Doctor has prescribed more Ball Hanging music, to be taken at least 3 times a day, for about 2 weeks.

Anyway, onto more pressing matters. First I would like to thank those for guest posting. You all did a rather fantastic job and I'm most grateful. Maybe next time some of you others will join in?! Even those of you that are lurking behind the scenes. Don't be afraid, you can't get it wrong. Unless you post a Celine Dion video of course.

Back to the stats post again. Ever since this was posted I'm having an obscene amount of people searching for "http://phoque.me". Really, I've no idea why. Firstly, if you know the url you want to go to, why type the damn thing into Google? Secondly, you won't find any answers here! The name of my old blog, or more specifically the url, was phoqueme.blogspot.com....which as far as I'm concerned is completely different. What's on that website anyway? I haven't the guts to type it in just in case it's something awful.

Also getting a lot of searches for "Beatfillings". Mostly by people in Turkey. Again, no idea what this/these are but if someone would care to let me in on it, then I might just do a post about it to help you out. Again, this isn't a place at the moment that you'll find answers, but if it's interesting then that could all change.

I would also like to say that my thoughts are with my friend Ted (and his family) because his Nan passed away yesterday. Much sad news. Chin up buddy.

Subsequently I won't be going to the Paul Weller gig on Monday night in Dublin. However, I do now have tickets for the final night in Brixton (as well as the 2nd night). This will be the end of the European tour, so I'm hoping that it's going to be rather special. Although with Oasis now on tour, it's unlikely and unfortunate that Noel Gallagher will not be joining in on stage like the last time.

In honour of this, and to keep up the recent trend of Weller videos on here *cough cough* I'm adding this YouTube effort. It's Noel Gallagher singing To Be Someone by The Jam (from the album All Mod Cons no less!). The original is fantastic, but I really love this version too. It's also All Mod Cons Song Of The Week.

Walls Come Tumbling Down (Hopefully)

2008-11-03T19:24:00.003Z

I have to say that I feel very lucky, and slightly nervous, writing this guest post for the mighty AMC. He might claim that he's lost his mojo, but I'd suggest that even a mojo-less AMC is the better of 90% of other bloggers.

With that in mind I've decided to tackle a subject outside those that are normally covered here (though not entirely as you'll see), but it's one that will undoubtedly affect us more than just about anything else. I'm talking of course about what Jonathan Ross will do next. Sorry, I mean who wakes up on Wednesday morning as President of the USA.

I realise that the Obama-McCain election has probably been one of the most written about in the history of modern democracies, but I still feel it's worth talking about: I also realise how dangerous mentioning race or politics can be online as I recently wrote about an occasion when posting about these things went terribly wrong, but I'd like to think the readers of AMC are open to a bit of adult discussion.

It was whilst reading an excellent analysis of both candidates in yesterday's Observer that I realised quite how much this election matters, and quite how much I care about the result. It made me think about how it has often been somehow trendy to mock the US: its culture, its people and its institutions. Certainly, the way in which many in this country and around the world seemed to display schadenfreude after the events of Septemmber 2001, or were willing to line up with the sort of extremists they would normally throw their copy of The Guardian* at, just so long as it allowed them to oppose Bush Jr, left a nasty taste in the mouth. But I often think that this attitude comes out of a mixture of jealousy & disappointment.

Jealousy, in the same way you secretly envy your cooler younger sibling: they might be headstrong and rather naive, but at the end of the day, they always know what's hot before you do. And let's be honest, how many things that you hold dear originated in the US? I listen to rock, funk, jazz, soul & hip hop - all American inventions. I love the fact that the British have so regularly managed to add their own flavour to these genres, but at the end of the day, we're only improvising with an American recipe.

Disappointment because underneath it all, we want America to be all that it aims to be. Anyone who watches as much West Wing as I do will know the feeling that often comes when watching it: if only Jed Bartlet was real, if only the last 8 years were just a bad dream. But he's not, and they weren't. Which is why I'm hoping so strongly for an Obama win: if nothing else, whilst we Brits may love acting superior, we've never managed to get someone with dark skin and a funny sounding name anywhere near Number 10.

And it seems I'm not alone in my desire. A website set-up by an acquaintance of mine encourages the citizens of the world who don't live in the US to cast their vote, as this is probably the one election which truly impacts every single country on the planet. At the moment it's showing the world desperate for an Obama landslide. I doubt it will be that clear-cut, but for all those of us who honestly want the US to at least attempt to live-up to its own standards, I hope he wakes up on Wednesday with someone calling him Mr President.

Of course this being All Mod Cons, it wouldnt be right if I didn't end with a video, and so I give you the mighty Weller from his (in my opinion) highly under-rated Style Council days with a track which has a very apt name: here's hoping Obama can be like the horns of Jericho.

*I should add that I'm card carrying Guardian reader myself.

Wall image by seier+seier+seier on flickr

The One Where I Talk About Hot English Boys

2008-11-01T07:50:00.001Z

So AMC put out a call for guest bloggers, and since he’s totally my blog crush (he volunteered for the job, honest!) I oh-so-generously offered.

But let’s face it, I have one of the girliest blogs ever, so if you’re wanting a post about my own “Little Steed” or Paul Weller, or home improvement? Yeah, totally not today my dears.

I’m thinking a post something along the lines of: Why British men are so much hotter than Canadian men. Yeah, that sounds about right.

Reason # 1: You know Shakespeare? Totally like “Man of the Millenium.” He can make a girl all swoony just with this words.

Reason #2: Jude Law. Colin Firth. Alan Rickman. Gary Oldman.

Reason # 3: Like Harry Potter could have done his magic anywhere else!

Reason #4: How many royal Canadian guys are there?

Reason # 5: Charlie Chaplin. Legend. Hilarious. Enough said.

Reason # 6: James Bond. Shaken not stirred. And there must be something about him since all the Bond-girls seem so willing to do his bidding. And c’mon- anything with Sean Connery - Puuurrr….

Reason # 7: King Arthur. Oh yeah – he totally pulled the sword out of that stone. (Did that just sound dirty?)

Reason # 8: As much as Hugh Grant might have his misdemeanors – I do love him for this:

Reason #9: Mmmm Davy...

Reason #10:

Much Ado About Mojo

2008-10-29T01:14:00.002Z

Greetings to AMC fans from Beth of BooksEtc.

While AMC searches for his Blogging Mojo (have you checked under your bed?) I offered to do a guest post. Since I’m on extended blog leave (as in, not sure if I will be returning…) it’s kind of nice to take a brief dip in the blogging pool.

But as I compose this guest post, I find the haunting spirit of AMC looming over my shoulder. (The left one.) I am trying very hard to resist the urge to write about hedgehogs, a Little Steed, a pet cactus (none of which I own), London traffic, chicks and Mr. P. Weller. I am also resisting the urge to use words such as arse, plank, sod it and shite.

Really, as a guest blogger I should write about something that is true and real to me - in my own words.

Oh, bollocks - I’ll write whatever I bloody well please and just hope AMC doesn’t wield his red pen to slash and edit.

I might even include a YouTube video of Justin Timberlake or Celine Dion in this post. Would he allow such rubbish to tarnish the musical standards of his blog? Do I want to invoke The Wrath of Con? Perhaps not…

So what I will write about is what I’ve learned from reading this man’s blog since waaay back when…back to those Teabags and Ashtrays days. (Can I mention that? Are we still in hiding here?) And what I have to say will not swell AMC’s head. It can’t get any larger than it already is.

THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM THIS GUY

1. To expand my taste in music.

2. To see my own country (Canada) through the eyes of someone who has a passion for its beauty and an appreciation for the opportunities it offers.

3. That with determination and hard work, a dream can be achieved.

4. That the English have some pretty damn funny expressions. Knackered, eh?

5. That one’s blog can die and be resurrected many times. (I might try this myself…)

So, hey, AMC, while your minions tend to your blog, find that missing Mojo and get back here ASAP to regale us with further tales of the life of an Englishman.

We’ll be missing all that arsef*ckery…

One more thing. (Yeah, I’m wordy…I do need editing.) What kind of a post would it be on AMC’s blog without some music? So here’s a video that combines a Canadian icon (Gordon Lightfoot) with a British one (Paul Weller).

Guest Post Request

2008-10-26T15:01:00.003Z

I have decided that I need a break from blogging. My Blogging Mojo has taken a recent hit and the flow isn't flowing.

So, in the spirit of Universal's recent guest blogging bonanza, I'm also throwing out a request to those writers on my sidebar. If you wanted to partake and put fingers to keyboard on All Mod Cons I would love to hear from you. Posts can be about whatever you wish and as short or as long as you see fit. There are no rules really.

Drop me a line and I'll figure out how to make you one of those "Contributors" things. I'd be most grateful if you give it a whirl!

Other brief news...I've had a really good weekend with a wonderful visitor from afar, although I will expand on this another time. In the meantime, I'm going to go looking for my Blogging Mojo.

One Of Those Days

2008-10-22T17:37:00.002+01:00

Yeah, it's been one of those days. Nothing dramatic, just a pain in the arse.

Woke up a little late (due to playing Playstation with the Viking until 12.30, which is way past my bedtime on a weekday), threw my clothes on, left the house and found that I had a puncture on the Little Steed. Fixing a puncture normally takes me about 4 to 5 minutes but due to having only woken up 15 minutes previously, it took freakin ages because I kept forgetting things. One of which happened to be doing the bolts up on the wheel. Glad I remembered that before leaving again.

Then I got lost on the way to work. It should be a straight line (ish) according to the AtoZ but I swear someone moves parts of London around whilst I'm cycling. Either that or my sense of direction is bollocks. Probably the latter. Then I get beeped by some Polish workman in his van for cycling through some roadworks. Ok, I shouldn't really have been there, but I wasn't anywhere near him, so he got told to "go away" in no uncertain terms.

When leaving work, I had yet another puncture. Which meant finding a bike shop, which happened to be fairly close. Although due to someone moving the street from where it should have been, took longer than I wanted it to. New inner tube fitted, but the pump didn't work, so back into the shop I went to use theirs.

Then I got thrown out of the supermarket when I was picking up some pasta because I had Little Steed with me. It actually took longer to have the conversation with security and get out of the shop than it would have done to just let me buy my pasta. I also can't understand why I couldn't wheel my wee BMX around the shop, it's smaller than any of the bloody pushchairs that get wheeled around. And there was only about 8 people in the shop anyway. Bleeding jobsworths!

See, nothing dramatic. Maybe I'm just cranky today. Some days I genuinely believe that I would be significantly happier living in a log cabin on the side of a mountain with nothing but the wildlife to keep me company. As long as the animals kept quiet after bedtime of course.

Stats And Fings

2008-10-20T19:02:00.003+01:00

I must admit, I kind of like this internet thing. It's amazing and scary in equal measure as far as I'm concerned. The amount of information out there, accessible to anyone, is absolutely astounding. You really can find out about anything. All that knowledge at your finger tips, and all you have to do is tap your digits on your keyboard, and up pop about 1,210,000 results in 0.23 of a second.

I already know what I search for, mainly things like gig tickets, new songs on YouTube, the name of the pair of trainers I wanted (Adidas Stockholms, just in case you were interested...decided not to get them though..too blue for the rest of the ensemble), a recipe for Flapjacks or for finding out cheap flights to places.

What fascinates me is how some people come across my blog. I've got 2 little stat counter things telling me all kinds of information about those that stop by, and I've become a little bemused by some of the search terms. Some are quite ordinary, and to be honest quite expected. Others are a little off the wall in my book.

I thought I'd share a few of them, and try and expand on the queries for any future searches that are the same.

1. allmodcons, all mod cons blog, all mod cons weller blog - these 3 search terms mean you have indeed arrived at the right place. Give yourself a gold star!

2. things to do to prepare for parenthood - this most definitely means you are in the wrong place. Parenthood advice would be considered fairly low down on my expertise list. It's right below "building a rocket from pubes" on the expertise list.

3. i met noel gallagher - Yep, so did I. Leave a comment next time and we'll compare stories.

4. nose and eatingwoman - I have no idea what this really means. And I didn't leave out a space, the person doing the search did.

5. batman beats of rage mod - I personally think that someone had a fit whilst typing this into Google. It doesn't make sense. At all. Anyone care to enlighten me?

6. why doesn't paul weller speak to bruce foxton - He just doesn't ok. Let's just leave it at that.

7. photo german beating up irishman - I wonder if the person actually found this? What have the Germans got against the Irish? Unless they thought he was English?

8. larges hairy ass - I don't know who larges is, but I'm guessing that he/she has a hairy ass.

9. wetting knickers blogs - This is my favorite. Really. Who on earth writes blogs about people wetting their pants?! Mind you, there's obviously a market for it. No wet knickers here though, I can assure you. And I double checked too.

I also got told the other day via email that someone "stumbled" across my blog. Funny really, considering that I knew this person had been looking at my blog for some time. In fact, they already knew where it was when it was called allmodconsonvideo. I may be many things, but I'm not totally stupid. A little bit, but not totally. The wonders of IP addresses and stat counters eh! No longer on BT, but blueyonder...I'll have to make a note to tell the Viking, I'm sure they'll be along there at some point, if not already. I'm no longer bothered by it all, just sadly amused.

I also have a visitor this weekend, which I'm very much looking forward to. I have to plan "Things to do" if it's sunny. And have another plan if it's raining. Knowing my luck, it'll do both. At the same time.

...just realised, that would mean there's a rainbow! We could go hunting Leprechauns and pots of gold!

Shining Personal Endorsements And A Video!

2008-10-16T12:51:00.005+01:00

Housekeeping is the name of the game people. As I've mentioned before, I rely a little too heavily on Google Reader to keep up to date with the blogs I read. It makes for a lazy blogger, and my comments on what I read are becoming thin on the ground. Which is shameful behaviour.

It also means that my little list of Places That Interest Me is somewhat out of date. Instead of just editing it and hoping that people notice some new additions, I'm going to make a statement of it. Here are the extras...

LIVE Music Photography by John Rahim
Aunt Reeny's After Thoughts by Aunt Reeny (Another excellent Canadian!)
A Somewhat Old, But Capacious Handbag by MissPrism (Not a prolific blogger, but check out the most recent post on books)
Just Another Social Profile Really by Ciaran (Lots of music stuff, videos, and just a different take on things)
Paul Weller News by DaveB (For those of us that just need to know)
Stuart Peel by Stuart Peel (An excellent read and fantastically written)

And after much verbal abuse, The Viking has finally given in and started up a new blog. Those of you that read his efforts on the rather shit Yahoo! 360 will know that he's pretty good at stringing a sentence together. There's only one post up so far as he only started yesterday, but please go over and show some loving at Wired-On-Sea. He'll love the attention.

All of the blogs I read and that are in the section on the right are all worth reading. They wouldn't be there otherwise. If you don't know each other, drop by and say hello.

I have been trying to organise all the photos and other rubbish I have on my laptop. I'm a great one for Folders and having things in their right place. I found an old video of me taken in March 2006. I've no idea why the video was taken, but we were all sto...erm...drunk. I think. Anyway, check out the short barnet! Considering I loathe cameras being pointed at me, I'm quite surprised that I allowed this to be taken. Must've been off with the fairies.

Song Of The Week this time round is Up Country by Mancini. I've posted about them before, but make sure you take a listen. Outstanding tune. And yes, she is frighteningly hot. But that's just a bonus.

Paul Weller Plays Heidelberg

2008-10-13T10:11:00.012+01:00

I've had 2 colds this year. Both of which started just before leaving the UK bound for Heidelberg. The last one arrived first thing on Friday morning, and I prayed it wouldn't take hold until at least Saturday. Unfortunately I wasn't that lucky. I was coughing and spluttering like a trooper by the time the gig arrived. Unlike most men, I do actually know the difference between a cold and flu, but my god I felt like crap. I was also determined to not let it detract from seeing Weller.

As I mentioned in the last post, I was met at the airport by my old housemate (Ze German) and her mum. It's been a pretty long time since we saw each other and it was great to catch up with her. I also firmly believe that driving fast is something that is built into the German DNA, Ze German's mum really didn't hang around! But I was extremely grateful for the lift, thanks again ladies. We hung out for a while in Heidelberg and had something to eat whilst I let my cold firmly set in.

As we said our goodbyes I met up with Sakura and Rainbow Girl outside the venue. We were also joined, albeit fleetingly, by Stefan who was there to take some photos of the gig.

This is All Mod Cons, Stefan and Rainbow girl.

And this one includes the lovely Sakura, possibly giving it a "Hey you" point towards the camera!

I've not been to a gig that was all seated before. And to be honest, I was actually looking forward to taking a load off. Sakura managed to save RG & I seats right at the front, a totally uninhibited view of Weller! First up though were support band Moke, a Dutch based band that I hadn't heard of before, although the lady a couple of seats down from me (who kindly gave me some tissues, cheers luv) said that they were pretty good. And to be fair, they weren't bad. I'm always a little sceptical of hearing bands live when I've never heard any of their stuff before. I like to taste their music over a few "listens" first before hearing them live. You only get one shot at listening to a live song, and if the acoustics are wrong, or the set up isn't right, then you're going to lose my interest pretty rapidly. Much like Glasvegas did at Koko earlier this year. Moke were fairly good though. The set they played built up nicely in tempo and their penultimate song, Here Comes The Summer, was absolutely excellent. Although the last song, unfortunately, missed the target for me entirely. I've had a little listen to the song snippets on their website, and would recommend them. It's just a shame they don't have the full versions of at least a couple of tunes.

Then came the man himself. Having witnessed a gig at the BBC just a few weeks ago that was probably a once in a lifetime experience, Heidelberg as a follow-up was always going to have its work cut out. And whilst I was glad for the sit down, I wasn't entirely convinced that having everyone in seats was such a good idea. I've seen a fantastic collection of Weller gigs, both acoustic and full on, but this was the first time that I had seen one that was, in essence, split into two halves. Straight from the off I thought the sound was a little wrong though. The vocals seemed to get lost behind the guitars at times and when Invisible was played (one of my favorite songs from 22 Dreams) I could hardly hear Weller at all. Having said that, All On A Misty Morning was outstanding (and remains the top song played on my iPod, not that that has any relevance to this at all!). I also felt, at times, that the band were kind of just "going through the motions" when it came to the slower songs. Change overs weren't up to their usual slick standards, with Weller wandering off stage for a few minutes leaving the band to do an impromptu "fill in" instrumental. Maybe playing in front of a crowd, all pretty much sitting on their backsides, in such a small venue isn't that inspiring for the performers.

A change of pace was definitely needed. From both the crowds point of view, and Wellers. And when Out Of The Sinking (1 of my personal all time favorites) started, the blood started to pump. Songs like Sea Spray, From The Floorboards Up, and Push It Along were equally excellent. And the version of Wild Wood, similar to the one played at the BBC, was astounding. However, again there were times when the vocals were almost lost, especially behind Cradocks guitar which seemed incredibly overbearing. Whoever did the sound check, and I know there was one because we heard it when we were outside the back of the venue, needs to go back to basics I think.

Before the first of 3 encores we were all told to stand up and make our way towards the stage. I think everyone, including Weller, had had enough of all this sitting around malarkey. And believe me, it was worth doing. It was like a completely different gig. Weller had that familiar swagger back, his chin jutting out as he strutted around the stage totally owning the place. The crowd duly paid it back, singing every word and cheering at any given opportunity. Broken Stones was amazing and Wild Blue Yonder (which is getting close to being my all time favorite live song) was complete musical heaven for me.

All in all it was a pretty good evening. Apart from my cold and the dodgy sound. I met some really nice people, including some German lads who were obviously huge Weller fans. Massive thanks again to Ze German & her mum for the lift and to Sakura for saving us seats and giving me somewhere to quite literally crash at the end of the night. Without you all I would've stayed at home and nursed my swollen, dripping, red nose.

Weller! (Courtesy of Sakura)

Cradock

I also managed to get hold of Cradocks setlist at the end, mainly because I'm lankier than most people and could reach it, before they started handing out the photocopies. I also got hold of another plectrum of Weller's! I now have 3, all different! I'm going to need a bigger frame on my wall!

Whilst I'm fairly happy with the photos I took, here's a very small example of the quite incredible work from Stefan.

More of his work can be found HERE. Please note that the images are protected by Stefan Duerr Photography copyright. If you wish you use them, please contact him and ask for permission!

As a little "aside", if you drop by from any other sites to read this review, please feel free to leave a comment. Any feedback is welcome, as long as it's not too harsh!

So there you have it, another Weller gig. Normal "Blog" services will now be resumed until the 10th of November when I'll be off to Dublin to see Weller there, and have a good catch up with Ted, another old housemate!

Please Ensure Your Seats Are In Their Upright Position

2008-10-09T17:31:00.002+01:00

Rant And Swear Modes Activated.

Initiating Finger Coordination Programme 73G93X

Attempting To Contact Blogger....Please Wait....

....We Are Sorry For The Delay. Your Call Is Important To Us And We Will Be With You As Soon As Possible...

....Connection Established....

Please note that this post contains strong language from the outset. Some viewers may find this offensive. This is what is called a *Warning*. If you carry on reading, and don't like it, don't fucking moan about it you moron! That's what warnings are for, to let you know about stuff coming up.

If I go to an Internet Cafe to use a computer and print some things off, I do not expect to be confronted by someone behind the counter that has failed to master the standard greeting of "Hello". I also do not expect to stand there waiting for several minutes whilst you stare intently at the empty desks, trying to remember which one of your dodgy ripped off PC's actually works, and then grunting to me whilst thrusting out a bony finger in the general direction of a grubby seat. I do expect this PC to work. At least to the point of being able to maintain an OPEN and WORKING browser. This is, after all, supposed to be a business that works on the premise of being an INTERNET CAFE. When the grubby PC doesn't work, and I tell you that it doesn't, I do NOT expect you to repeat the entire process all over again without even muttering an apology.

Also, whilst I'm waiting in a queue to pay for my new purchases, I do not expect the short, fat, bag laden wench behind me to stand SO close to me that my sphincter starts to get hot from her overbearing body heat. Who then has the cheek to whinge because my bag hit her when I turned slightly! Just because I'm not facing you, it doesn't give you the right to be in my personal space! Back off bitch! If I did turn around, we'd be arrested for copulating in public!

When I become Mayor of London, I'm going to ban short people from having umbrellas. Sorry, but anyone under the height of 5'9" will just have to get wet. Or stay at home. Until you lot learn some manners, and notice the fact that your pointy umbrella ends are exactly at my eye height, then bollocks to you. All you have to do is raise your arm a few inches! I do not enjoy having metal and nylon pushed into my face, or feel like I'm auditioning for an Indiana Jones part as I leap, duck and weave my way around shops. I just want to shop like a normal human being.

Another thing, buggy's the size of a small family saloon car. Not Necessary. Ever. Having disc breaks on the thing is quite frankly utterly ridiculous. It hasn't even got pedals, let alone an engine, and with your hugely fat arse you're never likely to get it up to speeds where disc breaks are going to make a difference. No part of our public transport network is designed to cope with such enormous buggery! No matter where you go, you are in the way. You block all the doorways, congest the buses and tubes, make the rest of us walk in the road. Either get a smaller buggy or keep your legs shut next time.

Also...if you're sharing a house with me, do not have the heating on full blast then sit in your bedroom with the fucking windows open!! Is your brain that small?! Have you not read about fuel prices?!? Have you always been this stupid or have you had to work really hard at it in evening classes? And if the toilet is blocked, or the drain is over flowing, or the gas isn't working properly, stop coming to tell me about it! You are just as capable as I am of putting an arm down the drain to unblock it! I don't get paid to be Mr Maintenance, believe it or not I do just live here.

Rant And Swear Modes Deactivated.

Off to see Paul Weller in Germany tomorrow! Not staying as long as originally planned, so I'll be back on home turf by 6pm Saturday, but had a serious result for when I land. There were issues with my travel arrangements, one of which meant that I was going to be sitting at Frankfurt airport (not the proper Frankfurt, this one is in a field in butt fuck nowhere) for almost 3 hours waiting for a coach. However, my former housemate, and altogether utter star, is driving down with her old dear to meet me there and drive me to Heidelberg! Complete result! Friends eh, they're bloody blinding sometimes!

Might take my tiny little speakers so that I can plug them into my iPod and play Weller songs the entire time I'm there. Just to let everyone know who I'll be seeing in the evening. I almost feel like it's a calling, the people of Heidelberg are desperately in need of knowing that I'll be at the gig. They just don't know it yet.

1 Week On

2008-10-06T20:08:00.005+01:00

It's been a strange old week. I felt a bit weird having met Weller and thought I'd be bouncing off the walls all over the place but it didn't really sink in until the following Friday. When I met Noel Gallagher last year, all I could do was show people the photo & babble on about it for days and days. However, I have pretty much spent most of the week wandering around with some creepy half grin on my face. Yeah ok, I showed a few people the photo & told the story more than once, but by Monday morning things were almost back to normal.

Then on Friday I went out to try and get some new jeans, failed miserably, and ended up spending more money than I can afford in HMV. One of my purchases was a Paul Weller Hit Parade DVD (bargain at £10 for a double DVD!!). There's a little run of some of my favorite songs on the 2nd disc, and as I sat there watching the videos and listening to the tunes it all came rushing back.

I almost always associate a song with something. Be it a feeling, or a person, or an event, and that song will always remind me of that. But Weller's music is a bit different for me. Each song does have a meaning behind it, but it can vary to the extreme. It's like it's adaptable to whatever mood I'm in, or need to be in. Watching the video footage of some of the songs brought back exactly how I was feeling that night, and kind of enabled me to replay it all in my mind in slow-mo. Meeting him is like listening to his songs, I'll be able to remember that night and get whatever I want from that memory, and each time it'll be different. Not sure if it actually gets any better than that, at least for me anyway.

More "Weller" related news...this Friday I'm off to Germany for the evening to see him play in Heidelberg. My travel arrangements are a bit tight for getting there on time due to some last minute changes, although an alternative might mean that I get there early. It's one of those "up in the air" things. Hopefully it'll come off because I'll get to catch up with an old flatmate and friend of mine. I also wish I had a better damn camera, because my phone blows at taking gig photos. Just a little too brassic in order to be able to afford a digital jobby. I actually have better things to save money for...could well be good news on this front too soon, at least I'm hoping so.

Talking of money, I picked myself up a Lottery Ticket last weekend. I've never won a single penny off the lottery, ever. Ok, I've not done it every week but I'd say I'd spent a couple of hundred quid over the last 10 years, or however long it's been going. Well, all that changed at the weekend. I took my ticket in to have it scanned to see if I'd won or not and the guy said that he couldn't scan the ticket for some reason or another. I came home and checked it manually, turns out I've won £10! Result! Kind of typical it won't scan though. Bastard machine.

Also this week, I managed to successfully stab myself with a screwdriver. In that bit of skin between your thumb and finger. Kinda hurt.

I also refused to pee in someones garden (even though they had given us permission on the job we're on because the toilet is out of commission). 2 reasons behind this. 1. The hedge had spider webs in, and I don't "do" spiders and 2. I've hurt my damn back again (is this what happens when you get older?!?) so if a spider DID land on me, and I freaked, then I couldn't flap my arms and legs about with wild abandon as per normal because I'd probably pass out with back pain. Thus enabling said spider to crawl up my nose and nest in my brain. Which is what spiders do.

Song Of The Week is The Stone Roses and Love Spreads. Give it a listen, let me know what you think if you want.

Oh, and here's the photo of me and Noel Gallagher...check out my "I'm at work and have an inbetween haircut" look...*sigh*