Sunday, August 2, 2009

That's Not Cricket, It's Jousting A Bunger

There's a lot of talk about this thing called The Ashes that's going on at the moment. It's a cricket tournament. Thing.

Cricket is not a sport that I've ever really had much exposure to, at any stage of my life. Certainly not at school. Give a bat to most of the pupils there and they would've legged it straight to the nearest car to have away with the stereo via a brand new hole in the glass. We played football. On a concrete playground. With a cannonball. Whilst wearing shoes crafted from stolen ties of the lower years.

This year I've taken it upon myself to try and learn a little about the sport that, apparently, every Englishman should know and love. Every now and again I check the BBC's live text coverage via my mobile and have a little read in the hope of gleaning some wise words And maybe the odd rule or two so I can piece together the jigsaw.

Here's a small example of what I'm faced with....

Groans of disbelief from the rammed Edgbaston stands as Anderson does Clarke all ends up with a beautiful snaker - hands on heads round the slips. Matt Prior standing behind the timbers with jaw hanging slack. Swanny popping off the field - is this a pre-lunch joust for Stuart Broad?

Or how about this...

That's too full from Swanny - driven away with wristy delight by Watson to go to 49. another full bunger - four more, driven through cover, and that's Watson's second half-century of the match. Good knock. Australia lead by 19, and that's drinks.

So, Swanny popped off for some pre-lunch jousting with Stuart, no doubt followed by Watson delivering some wristy delight, all with a full bunger no less. And after a good knocking, the Aussies go and get pissed. Sounds absolutely nothing like what I've ever seen of cricket. However, part of the BBC service allows people to text in with their thoughts and opinions and some of them are getting really enthusiastic about it all...

From Aidan, TMS inbox: "The excess adrenalin caused by such an important first session is causing my legs to bounce incessantly, this has the unfortunate effect of making my desk shake slightly causing the admittedly very pretty girls that sit around me at work to look at me in a very suspicious manner. Also I may throw up at any point . So all in all making a very good impression on afore mentioned young ladies."

So I'm guessing Aiden appreciates a good bit of wristy delight. Top lad. I wonder what he'd be like watching the Brazilian Women's Beach Volleyball Team? I think he might burst into flames and explode in a brilliant blue flash, leaving only his half empty bunger behind.

This game also lasts 5 days. As in, 5 whole days! And there are 5 in the series. That's an entire month of cricket. You've got to wonder how many people suffer a R.S.I. afterwards.

Anyway, this weeks Song Of The Week is Elbow and Grounds For Divorce. The video in the top right includes the BBC Concert Orchestra. However, the Official Release is HERE and the lyrics are HERE (should you wish to see a copy of them...apologies for the small advert on that site). I happen to think it's a bloody good tune.


Reeny's Ramblin' said...

Urm. What is a bunger and what do drinks have to do with cricket?

Now rugby, that's a sport. I like watching the All Blacks. Truth be told I know nothing about the sport, just like watching a bunch of dudes pummel one another.

The Author Of This said...

Reeny - Bunger, absolutely no bloody idea at all. Although I think drinks are common. As is lunch and tea apparently.

I don't get rugby either. Although it is infinitely more entertaining than cricket. I bet that's not the only reason you like watching it! ;-)

More Of The Good Stuff said...

Weird! Coincidentally, I am going to see an Elbow gig tonight!! How strange is that??? I will let you know how it is and I hope they play your song.

Thoroughly entertaining post (your school chums stole car stereos?). Although I too have ABSOLUTELY no idea what cricket is all about. Apparently I should because my father expresses displeasure over my lack of interest and keeps trying to explain the game every time I go home to visit. Yeah, I know, how fun does that sound?!!!!

Last but not least, have to agree, watching the All Blacks is pretty good stuff.

Reeny's Ramblin' said...

I watched the All Blacks vs England and it was hilarious. England came out and sang God Save the Queen or something and then the All Blacks came out and stood infront of them and performed the Haka war chant. Talk about intimidation lol.

On another note, we had a family gathering last year and my Uncle's son in law is Kiwi. They got pissed and I woke up to go to the washroom at 3am only to find the two of them out in the backyard doing the Haka, the neighbours were super impressed with it ;)

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

Cricket would be much better if there were cars and glass involved. Extreme cricket, perhaps.